Motherhood for the Weak

The Word List So Far

2010-04-20T14:11:00.000-07:00

So here's the list of words the babeola is reading so far (all started this week)-I'm trying to keep track for her baby book:

Ten
Cat
Dog
Frog
Box
Bug
Zoo

And a valiant attempt at reading the word three but she doesn't really know her blends yet. I'm trying to figure out what to do on that front. Do I teach them to her or just let it go for now? But since she's trying for those words, I guess I should give her the tools???

I don't feel like I know the balance yet between meeting her where she's at vs. pushing. I don't want to push! It has to be organic from her or else I think it hurts her more than it helps. If that makes sense.

Things continue to be a medical mess of weirdness and no diagnoses and no treatment. Tests and more tests and lots of 'I don't knows' along with 'You should go to the ER.' I've been hearing both waaaaay too much.

But the babeola was beautifully behaved at the doctor's office today. As a treat, I took her to the mall where she rode the train, some rides, and romped in the playground. We capped the outing off with a handful of M&Ms from the candy vending bank.

Hopefully her childhood memories will be of trains and chocolate and not a sick mommy.

Suprised

2010-04-16T17:06:00.000-07:00

Today the babeola read the word zoo and phonically (phonetically?? which is it?) sounded out the word ten.

*blink* *blink*

I don't believe either word was something we 'worked' with her on although they've been in the text of various books we read. She just loves letters. It's her thing. We do lots of reading. She's learned to phonically/phonetically sound out frog with us. She puts letters together and sounds them out even though they're gibberish. The fact that she thinks to do this is just amazing to me.

I was an early and advanced reader, but not quite this soon.

Counting is 'behind' reading. She can count up to 4 objects reliably and will go as high as ten with some inconsistencies/errors.

She just amazes me sometimes. Her little brain is churning.

I Started a Patient Blog

2010-04-09T10:14:00.001-07:00

I finally decided I had something to say consistently about being a sicko. Also, the prednisone is affecting my mood, sparking a lot of ranting. So I started a patient blog called Pissed Off Patient and I've been ranting over there non stop since yesterday.

Hopefully this means I will stop whining about my health here.

I am doing okay. I have been nebulizer free for 2 days. The coarse crackling not-a-real-wheeze-but-I-don't -know-what-else-to-call-it that has been irritating my airways, seems to finally be going away. I just can't seem to get my peak flow up to where it used to be and am wondering if this marks a permanent change.

Within the next few days, I hope to start becoming more physically active.

The babeola is so damn cute. I just want to eat her up. I need to come back and talk about her some more. She is such a gift. I am lucky to have her.

Hysterical White Female

2010-04-07T07:43:00.000-07:00

Thank you for the lovely comment on my last post. Things are slowly improving here but I need to vent. This may not make much sense because I am really really upset.

I signed up for a weight management clinic because I decided I didn't want to lose weight alone. Fine. Well, unfortunately, while the doctor is nice enough, I have pushed his 'hysterical white female' button. I am an intense person, a creative thinker, a fast talker, am well read and I know that sometimes I 'hit' people wrong. It's a consistent issue. I also have 'bully pheremones'. People like to think they can dominate me through various power games, but fail because I am often smarter than their games (power games tend to have inherent logical flaws I have found), act with integrity, and stand up for myself.

So I had a follow up appointment yesterday. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it because my breathing has been dodgy still since I left the hospital. I am still using the nebulizer. Still wheezing. I'm better in that I don't need to go to the ER, but I'm not stable either.

I decided to go to the appointment because being on prednisone for a month is not going to help weight loss, I need all the help I can get. Got there and couldn't feel my knees. Just was really weak. Then I couldn't breathe well. Then I realized, I hadn't been breathing so hot all day, but had been ignoring it. Living in 'I'll be fine land'.

So I sit in the waiting room and enter 'the zone' where I'm just working on finding where I'm going to get my next breath. It's a delicate process. Breathe too deep and I make it worse. Breathe too shallow and I make it worse. I have to find the sweet spot between the constraints so that I don't completely lose control of my breathing.

I finally take my rescue inhaler which brings some minor relief, but by now it's too late. I'm getting tighter. Suddenly my chest and shoulder muscles feel so heavy and I can't lift my shoulders to breathe. At this point, I'm in the exam room waiting for the doctor and I realize I am in trouble. So I start to panic.

Panicking is never good. Don't ever panic. It makes things so much worse. I am usually so good about not panicking, but I had hit my limit.

So I had a bronchospasm and lost control of my breathing rate.

Apparently, however, I looked like a big faker????

Because next thing I know the weight loss doctor is trying to play mind games with me. "Do you want to have asthma? What if you could have something else?"

First, who the fuck asks someone to answer that kind of question without disclosing the something else? Because how do I know the something else isn't cancer, you know? Are we playing 'Make a Medical Diagnosis Deal' and I have to decide which door to open? Really?

So I say, "Well in my medical records is a pulmonary function test where my FEV1 is 70% of predicted."

He says "But you also have normal pulmonary function tests."

I just looked at him as I couldn't figure out what to say. What I should've said was "I have had pulmonary function tests when I'm healthy so yes there are normal ones. I was not symptomatic when those were performed so they would not have shown much." Because I suspect he's thinking I had those tests because I complained of being sick when, in fact, they were administered at every pulmonary visit for years regardless of how I felt. (And I hated them.)

I also should've pointed out he had access to my medical records and could have viewed my hospitalization records himself. I had documented drops in oxygen. I have scarring and now a growth in my lung. The xrays also showed airway constriction.

Basically, this jerk thinks I have a vocal cord problem which can mimic asthma and tends to have a psychological component. So you know, I'm making it up and his asking me if I wanted to have asthma or not was a psychological test to see if I was emotionally invested in being sick.

There is a power gradient in medicine that favors the doctor and it is easy for them to abuse. I am at the mercy of their education, intelligence and character--which all too often I have found lacking. To me, what happened yesterday was an abuse of this power. I felt manipulated and discounted. I hate feeling like I have no credibility or power and I feel threatened because this kind of stuff is when they start taking away medications or refusing to listen to me.

Now I don't know if I want to go back. I mean, I do want to go back and confront him on this, but do I want to continually subject myself to someone who thinks I'm a hysterical white female who just needs therapy????

No. Not really.

My husband is going to be coming with me to some upcoming appointments and I've appointed him my 'medical bouncer'. Because I am treated so much better by male physicians when there is another man in the room.

Thoughts on Hospitalization & Parenting with Chronic Illness

2010-03-31T07:09:00.001-07:00

I recently spent the night in the hospital due to a severe asthma flare up. I did 5 days of prednisone at home (30mg), 6 days of 24/7 nebulizer treatments at home, slept upright for 10 days and was unable to break the asthma. I could literally feel the inflammation building back up in my lungs after nebulizer treatments--my lungs were insanely inflamed.

I did my best to stay out of the ER and hospital. I called my pulmonologist, she called me. We were doing everything we could.

But I ended up in the hospital anyway because I realized I could not breathe well enough to drive nor walk well enough to get navigate the medical building for an x-ray or even walk from x-ray to the doctor's office. I needed the ER's centralized care

The thing is, this is probably going to financially ruin us. Because there was some heart weirdness going on too and I got the full heart work up which is expensive.

Except we have insurance, right?

Yeah, insurance with a high high deductible. Insurance that, based on past behavior, is going to deny the claim so I'll have to fight them.

I hope health care reform brings some relief to this situation. It seems completely asinine to me that we work, we pay our premiums and we still are at risk of ending up destitute due to medical bills.

The other thing that I've been reflecting on is how illness impacts parenting. The babeola has been sick since January (although doing better within the last week or two) and now I've been sick for almost 2 weeks. Month after month of sick has take a toll on my parenting and the 'norms' of our relationship.

I was sad to see how readily the babeola cuddled with me and watched TV when she visited me in the hospital. Because that's how I've been parenting of late; letting her lay on me with the TV blaring while I try to sleep off the asthma. I was moved to tears that my daughter would find this normal--cuddling with a near comatose parent. Then when she was sick, I used TV to keep her entertained because she wasn't well enough for a lot of activity--she herself has been wheezing and had some nebulizer treatments.

Intellectually, I know this is not my fault and that I can only do what I can do. But this is also not how I want to parent nor is this how I want my daughter to experience me as a parent.

She now pretends to take the nebulizer with me which just makes me shudder in horror. This is not what I want to model as a parent; pill popping, nebulizer sucking, hospital stay parenting. That was never my goal and I feel like I'm swimming upstream to avoid this and failing.

This situation also feeds into whether or not we will or should have another child. I'm thinking no. I think I got really lucky to have the babeola, but between the expenses of caring for a child and now my medical expenses on top of that, I don't think we can justify it financially. Also, I feel like I need to be as healthy as I can be for the child I have, not compromising my health to have another. I don't know for sure what the future will bring, we will continue to pay to store our frozen embryos but I am thinking it is unlikely we will have more children. I am very sad about this as I had always aspired to have 2 kids. I also used to believe that my poor health could be overcome, but am realizing that is not going to be the case both physically and financially.

This was not my dream when I decided to become a parent and I need to come up with a paradigm that improves my parenting within the context of chronic illness.

Some Funnies and Other Toddler Developments

2010-03-16T20:45:00.000-07:00

The other day the babeola solemnly told the hubby "Congratulations" after he responded to her question about what he was doing with "Going potty."

So the next time you pee, congratulations.

I had an exchange with her about getting ready to visit the preschool she'll be attending in the Fall. She proudly ran naked through the house and said, with a huge shit eater grin on her face, "I not copopitating, momma. I giving you hard time."

Copopitating in this case = cooperating. That was good for a chuckle.

We left her with the grandparents one afternoon so the hubby and I could go see a movie. While we were gone she told my parents she was "scared momma and daddy not come back." I was kind of floored at her emotional intelligence and how articulate she was. The babeola? Blows my mind.

She can also read her name and just yesterday pointed to the word big and said 'that's big.' She has known all her letters and 98% of the phonic sounds for a while so I figured her for an early reader. Just not quite this early. Time will tell if she picks up any other words.

It makes me glad we got her into a multi-age classroom for preschool. I had already noticed she had a hard time relating to same-age peers and now I know she's going to need those older peers because her reading skills are going to be a few years ahead of everyone else.

On the down side, she's been sick for the last 8 weeks with one infection or another. Once quite seriously to the point she had her first breathing treatment and was bequeathed with an inhaler. Yep. Asthma is on the table. They won't give an official diagnosis until she's had several wheezing episodes, but seeing her get kicked in the teeth by serial infections tells me something is UP. I mean, she's sicker than me and I have the immune system of a gnat with full blown AIDs. It is really something to see anyone get sick, let alone my own daughter, while I stay healthy. I didn't know that was possible.

Last week she had a cold. Got over it only to start hacking again by Friday. It is really frustrating. I feel so bad for her. And of course, there are no meds for her aside from the inhaler so she just has to suffer. I just took her to the ped yesterday and all they could tell me was "she's not wheezing". Which great, but what I really want to know is how do we stop this madness? When will she be healthy for more than two days in a row? That's what I want to know!

Naughty and Nice

2010-03-09T12:10:00.000-08:00


From Fall 2009

One thing that all new parents need to know is this: Children don't cooperate for pictures past a certain age.

We had a terrible time getting a good pic for the Xmas card. To the point that we used the one above with the caption... Hope your holiday is naughty and nice.

What follows is the 'nice' pic. It was the best pic we could get of her by the Xmas tree, an effort that spanned several days.

It was sheer desperation that led me to think pairing the two pics together would work as a Xmas card (many thanks to whoever coined the phrase 'naughty and nice' that saved me). I think we mailed our cards out on the 22nd of December in fact, that's how long I spent agonizing over this Xmas photo crap. But the card turned out cute and we actually got lots of compliments.

I Really Should be Writing Something Else

2010-03-05T12:41:00.000-08:00

My health is a trainwreck.

I thought getting pregnant after 4 years of infertility treatments was IT. The defining moment demarcating the sickly past from my surely healthy future.

That is not the case.

It is too complicated to go into a lot of detail; I'm still reeling from data overload myself. Suffice it to say that PCOS is doing its darnedest to kill me.

I thought the fight was just about having a baby.

Turns out, it's a fight for my life.

Not to panic you. Death is not imminent or anything where you need to order flowers for the funeral. It is simply becoming clearer and clearer to me how insidious and deadly PCOS can be. I am SOL. I can't take the 1 medication that mostly 'fixes' PCOS and there aren't any other medications that are established alternatives.

I hope I will live forever and be healthy. I feel that, at this rate, I will be blessed to make it to 50. I probably will not have any more children which has thrust me, unprepared, into a moral and emotional crisis surrounding our 11 frozen embryos.

I can't help but look at my daughter and think my babies. My frozen embryos have ceased to be intangible products of a grand scientific experiment. They are my children and I don't want them to die.

Ugh.

Well, I've never been accused of being an optimist. So maybe you shouldn't take me seriously. Except, I am pretty sure it won't be safe for me to have more kids.

Dear universe, please prove me wrong. You do it every other time I am certain about anything (you bitch). Thanks.

I am having a hard time finding a good endocrinologist. The guy I was seeing was a tool who diagnosed me with Hashimoto's without really testing for it. So I don't actually know what's going on. Oh, I do know the thyroid nodules are too small to worry about a biopsy. I don't have cancer and I don't not have cancer. So long as I have nodules, I have to be screened to rule out cancer. Eh. Right now, that's good enough for me. I am a little less than enthusiastic about the need for regular screening, but eh, whatever.

I continue to be in a gray area medically where good physicians and good information are hard to come by and when you do strike pay dirt, it's convoluted and confusing.

This really sucks.

What I Love About Two

2010-02-28T10:13:00.000-08:00

The babeola is two and there is a lot to love about this stage.

1. She's more independent and I don't have to dog her move. I can trust her to be out of eyesight for short periods of time and/or monitor her by hearing alone, which has made my life tremendously easier. (Note: We have done some really intense babyproofing which helps as well.)

2. When she wakes me up at Dawn Crack a.m., I can turn on PBS and set out her (home made)yogurt, a flax muffin, some fruit and watered down juice and GO BACK TO BED. While I am not a fan of TV, I am not a great parent without adequate sleep. So pick your poison.

Points 1 & 2 bring blessed relief compared to the grind of parenting an infant or very young toddler. I can go to play dates now and chat with other moms instead of policing the babeola's every move. HUGE improvement in quality of life for me.

3.She talks. I love it. She is so entertaining. She sings songs too.

4. I love making her smile. If I tell her we're going to paint or do a craft, she is soooooo happy.

5.We make muffins and pizza dough together. I can set her up next to me with some water, a spoon, salt and pepper shakers and let her 'cook' while I make dinner. Today we made instant pudding via the shake method.

6.She has an imagination and is starting to play a bit with her stuffed animals. I have sat and watched her go at it for 30 minutes at a stretch. It is just so cool to see her blossoming like this.

7.We are introducing games. Candyland was a bust--following the path escapes her but Hungry Hippo works and we have Animal Scramble which I think will provide lots of entertainment. We played it for the first time today and she was really into it, but doesn't quite have it all down yet.

8.When I go to work (tutoring still) and come back, the welcome I get makes me feel like I'm returning from active duty in Iraq. Awesome hugs. Overwhelming joy. What a great incentive to go to work!

9.She knows all her letters and about 90% of their phonic sounds. She 'reads' books to herself now. For example, she'll actually read the abc books since she knows the letters. Other books, she 'reads' from memory and it's amazing how much of the text/storyline she retains!

10.We have a fun bed time routine. I 'eat' her toes and when I ask what flavor they are today, she screams 'STRAWBERRY!'. We read our book. Sing the silly I-Love-You-Song from Barney and I spin her into her bed with ring-around-the rosy. And then she starts trying to delay. "Wait a minute mommy." "Mommy, can I talk to you a minute?" So funny.

Two is a lot of fun. There are the stereotypical terrible moments too,but I'm not complaining, much, about those. Maybe that will be the next post!

Thyroid Wishes and Past Due Hellos

2010-02-26T13:55:00.000-08:00

Hey. Hi. How you doin'? (said with the inflection of Joey from Friends, a reference which I realize pretty much dates me as middle aged).

I do miss blogging even though I'm never here. I am just busy. Trying to make a buck. Potty learning the toddler. Finding out my thyroid is maybe not working (final word pending, for now it's just a suspicion). Neither is my gallbladder incidentally, although there are no gall stones, just another dysfunctional organ. One of many sadly.

I joked with the ultrasound tech that my body's goal was to have something wrong with every major system. One of these days, I told her, an arm and a leg are going to fall off just to complete the 'stupid dysfunctional' body model I apparently signed up for and for which I can't find the 'out' clause. I am rapidly approaching the point where I could write a top ten list of medical diagnoses that have been assigned to me. I won't bore you by listing them out here, but it is kind of startling, to me at least, when I start to think about it too much.

Is it wrong for me to kind of want my thyroid to have taken a big dump? Because that would mean thyroid medication, a magical potion that I hear restores energy and sometimes enables weight loss.

Also, I am planning to...hmmm, forgot what I was going to say. That's unfortunate, but common. My brain is kind of in and out anymore. I thought this was just life after kids alzheimers, but apparently the thyroid can fog you up mentally too.

So, moving on, I was referred to a weight loss clinic. You can't see me, but I am rolling my eyes like a top.Only in my head. Here's an example of one of their questions and my answer. If you are fat, you'll spot the stupidity. If you haven't been obese, first, lucky you, second, the bias against fat people is always one of 'if they just tried hard/knew enough/exercised enough/did what others told them they would lose weight.' Obesity is all too often code for 'blame the victim and then discriminate them against them at every opportunity.'

"WHY DO YOU THINK YOUR WEIGHT LOSS EFFORTS WERE NOT SUCCESSFUL? Mostly due to undiagnosed PCOS and I think a rather limited understanding of how devastating the Cushings was to my health. For 10 years I told my PCP I could not lose weight doing what I had successfully done before. I was told to go to TOPS or Overeaters Anonymous when overeating was not my problem. It wasn’t until we started trying to conceive that I began to get some answers that were not (ignorantly and prejudicially) predicated on my presumed inability to control what I ate."

In my observation, mainstream medical thought is not looking for a you-bozos-didn't-diagnose-me-properly in response to this question. In my experience they are looking more for statements like 'I didn't know eating 3 pints of Ben & Jerry ice cream daily along with breakfast at Burger King, lunch at Taco Bell and dinner at the candy store could make me fat. Also, I thought sitting on the cough was good for me.'

Anyway, I am unimpressed. I doubt they're going to like me much either. If I'm lucky they'll have some ideas of what else I can do to lose weight aside from strict ultra low carb. Very low carb was sustainable before kids, but with a toddler, it's beyond my means. I still don't control when I eat, when I cook, if I exercise, when I pee and when I sleep. Somehow, despite that, I'm supposed to perfectly follow a restrictive diet? I wish I could and I constantly try, but am always failing due to circumstances surrounding being a full time caregiver who also works.

On the asthma front, I was gratified when my divine pulmonologist showed me the pulmonary function tests where my FEV1 (I think it's called--I ain't googling it now to check) showed a 30% drop. A 20% drop is indicative of asthma. Also the PCP was shocked when I explained the reason I hadn't pursued my high blood pressure was because I spent all of last year fighting with the Krazy that is Kaiser Permanente about whether or not I had asthma and whether or not I could please have some damn medication. "Are you kidding me?" were her exact words. I felt vindicated. I truly am not the Krazy, Kaiser is. So there. Nyah-nyah you psychopaths at Kaiser.

Also my pulmonologist knows the nutjob allergist and when I described her as passive-aggressive, my pulmonologist nodded and said "We experienced her that way too. Last I heard she wasn't at Kaiser."

To sum it all up, all I have to say is, don't be sick with anything beyond strep. Ever. Or else you too will be gnashing your teeth at the medical Krazy.

As for la babeola. She's cute and obstinate. I recently characterized this phase as 'I'm a hostage negotiater and a hostage at the same time.' Mostly I try to get her to do things, like wear clothes and she resists with a grim tenacity I find incredibly frustrating. She's doing so well with the potty though. We tried to be very gentle about it since we were pushing the issue and she's doing it. I am impressed with the aplomb with which she's handling the potty.I'm a bit jealous of her bladder of steel. The girl holds it back like the Hoover Dam. Me? I even think of sneezing and I spring a leak. Thems the joys of the post-partum body, folks.

And that's it. Not sure when I'll post again. Maybe once I'm high on thyroid medication and have more energy????

SH*T STORM, X-RAY YOGA & BEGGING A FAVOR

2009-11-17T18:04:00.000-08:00

Where do I start? Lots of crazyee stuff over here.

1. We were all sick.

2.Potty training is going okay. Except the babeola refuses to poop. That has been a problem. I need to do a whole post about the horror that is potty training, but whenever I think about it, my brain spasms in dread. Not a fan of the potty over here. Or, for that matter, the entire age of 2. Two is killing me. I hate this phase. My daughter is a spitfire who headbutts. She hit my husband a few days ago and gave herself a shiner. She didn't even cry.

3. Today I slammed the van door, let go, and just before it rammed home, the babeola stuck her whole hand in the door. It actually latched shut with her hand inside. I can live without ever seeing that again.

Guess how many x-rays it took to make sure she had no fractures?

Hint: Hand x-rays SUCK.

15 x-rays.

Horrific. We had to tape her hands down and I had to lean, kneel, lunge and hold her in weird positions for almost an hour. I was sweating by the time we were done. I felt like I was doing that Hatha Power Yoga where they crank the temperature up to 100 F or something.

At one point, they wanted the babeola to flip them off for one xray and were demonstrating trying to get her to do it. Two x-ray techs, flipping my daughter the bird. Priceless. My only laugh of the day.

I was like ummm, she can't even do the V sign yet. I doubt she's going to flip you off on xray.

Oh! And the worst part? I went to lift her into my lap and boinked her head on the xray machine. Not my day today.

Fortunately, she took it in stride and was very calm and as cooperative as she could be given her age and lack of fine motor skill. They kept trying to get her to do a karate chop and she just couldn't do it. She would try, which was hilariously cute, but no go.

4.I have just had one problem after another on the internet.

My cease and desist was settled. I changed the website which was a huge pita.

I had a conflict with someone over something I sold via Amazon. That cost me money.

Dozens of sites have plagiarized dozens of my eHow articles and that is not even the worst part of it. eHow's plagiarism policy is so draconian and punitive that I am presumed guilty and punished accordingly. They won't notice that my articles predate all the other sites on their own, I have to email and tell them (I guess they can't read???). I've been sending cease and desist letters of my own. Meanwhile I've had articles put on hold so I am losing money while waiting for eHow to get their sh*t together.

Before that eHow deleted one of my articles. A perfectly good article. When I posted it on the forums no one could find anything wrong with it. Of course, eHow didn't email me to let me know about the deletion or bother to tell me why.

I'm thinking of replacing eHow, but am reserving judgment until I see how this plagiarism mess is resolved. Of course another member is going through the same thing. She cleared one article only to have them flag another one. They went so far as to delete her entire account.

Given that plagiarism is rampant on the internet, I'm trying to understand why eHow is so psycho about duplicate content. They shoot you first and ask questions later. I'm all for investigation and defending someone's copyright, but why not give writers 2 or 3 days to investigate and present a defense before arbitrarily shutting them down. Especially given that NO ONE is claiming plagiarism except eHow's faulty plagiarism software. I had no idea my content was plagiarized and it took me a few days to find the dozens upon dozens of sites that have stolen my content.

Anyway, it's been a rough couple of weeks so...if you shop on Amazon, would you happen to have it in your heart to use my affiliate link? It costs you nothing, but I get a tiny commission for people who use the link and it would be a big help right now. In honor of potty training, my affiliate link takes you to potty training dvds. You can browse as usual from there and whatever you purchase will result in a commission credited to my account.

Thanks.

Woot! Crap! Duh! Damn Lawyers!

2009-10-27T09:49:00.000-07:00

1. Woot! Made $18 today in passive income. A new record. So cool. I was at a toddler music class today and screeching back at the babeola (real mature I know) as we butted heads over using the potty. All while $18 rolled into my account. This is what I like about passive income. It's slow. It's not a ton of money, yet enough to make a difference. And it works when you can't, which is a huge bonus for moms of young kids.

2.Oy. The potty wars have started. Currently we are having the 'been there, done that, why do I have to do it again?' battle. And I am losing. Crap.

3.Am I the only one who feels like there's a National Geographic nature guy narrating my life? As in...

"Most mothers protect their young's head, but this mother seems to have difficulty. She repeatedly hits her child's head on the van door when trying to put baby in the car seat. Quite often, these genes will be bred out of the species via the efficient application of Darwin's Law."

Or is it just me? I try so hard not to bang the babeola's noggin and yet I smack her around like a pinata more often than not. Poor kid. Tall kids are hazardous to their health.

4. Somehow my little niche blog P-arent J---uice has the same name as another website. I have received an official cease and desist letter from actual lawyers. Damn lawyers. Now I have to rename the site and I have no clue. I've been toying with Craft Tantrums, Parent Power, Parent's Busybox. I dunno. What do you think? I've got a week before they sue me. (For the record, I wish them luck. I've made like 63 cents so far and I drive all the traffic, I don't get any of their traffic at all. Mostly because they are marketing to teens and I am marketing younger kids.) Anyway, that was a pisser.

This Post Brought to You by SCREAMING

2009-10-26T11:40:00.000-07:00

This will be a list of major highlights because...

1.I am so freakin' TIRED. It's my fault. I stay up too late and then can't sleep until sometime around 1am. I don't know WHY. I mean, I know why I stay up too late (fall tv premieres, work, helping the husband with his schoolwork because English is his second language, talking to my husband uninterrupted once the babeola is asleep is remarkably seductive etc...). What I don't know is why I can't seem to sleep. Have I screwed up my circadian rhythms that badly by going to bed at 11 or 11:30????

2.We took the babeola with us to get our flu shots so she could see us get stabbed. This did not help at all today when she got two shots at the peds. Sigh. Poor thing. Poor me. Poor world that has made it illegal to remove toddler vocal cords with butter knives because oh. my. Lord. the SCREAMING.

3. I am really concerned about swine flu. I've had pneumonia a few times--up to the point of being considered for hospitalization. Depending on my health insurance, I occasionally have asthma. Swine flu tends to give way to a really aggressive pneumonia so I am worried and, in my case, I feel, rightfully so.

Further, I tutor a student who has a sibling on more than one organ transplant list. Meaning germs are way bad for them. I really don't want to kill anyone with germ,s you know? Or interfere with someone getting a new liver or other vital organ. But there is no vaccine to be had. The student I tutor, mom is trying to see if the hospital wants to vaccinate me since I come into the home.

All I have to say is, I sure hope so since my other student has been alone in his classes, as in the ONLY student, for two weeks due to the sick. So I am picking up all sorts of bad ass germs and sharing them.

Oh, and for the record, the nurse at the ped's office who was in her 40s said this was the worst sick season she's seen in her entire career.

*blinks*

4.We are potty learning. The babeola is doing pretty well. She's figured out how to pee but can't hold it and will have accidents if we don't escort her to the potty on a regular basis. Of course now that the novelty has worn off, she's less interested in going potty. Even chocolate won't entice her. She's also holding her poo as a result. But we are using fewer diapers.

5.Cirque du Freak The Vampire's Assistant movie ROCKED. Awesome Halloween movie with an actual PLOT. Don't see that too often in a Halloween movie. Really good film. GO see it.

6. The babeola is borderline fat. Sigh. I am trying to ignore the ped. We eat a whole foods diet. No cereal. No bread. Little sugar. Lots of protein and fresh fruit and veggies (with some pasta). I let her see me exercise and invite her to do push ups and squats with me. We're going to start yoga together just as soon as I sit down and write down the routine from the video I found on Youtube. She runs around daily. Yet the babeola is built like an oak, mighty and tall. 39" 40 pounds. I need to ignore the hype. We have done everything right with her. The ped can suck it.

But it's hard to shut that voice up. Also, I am still fat. Still not rocking the weight loss over here. Too tired to low carb and, as it turns out, I have a hard time ignoring all the lucious fruit the babeola gets to eat. I do exercise though.

Okay that's all I have time for. The screaming has started. I must go stop it somehow.

SOME PICS

2009-10-15T11:30:00.001-07:00

TWICE THE TEARS

2009-10-13T08:57:00.000-07:00

The babeola is 2 today. *sob*

She had a bad night last night (unusual these days) and I brought her into bed with me and held her for hours, stroking her little head, inhaling her scent. She never sleeps with us even though I would like her too, but last night she slept in my arms and I couldn't help but think she was saying goodbye to this part of her life.

You could not pay me to do our first year over again, but I'm still sad to see my girl leaving her baby years behind.

Happy Birthday little bean.

*sob*

Toddler vs. Cookie: You Call the Winner

2009-10-09T08:35:00.000-07:00

So tell me. Did the babeola win or did the cookie?

40 Minute Vibrator Hunt

2009-10-07T16:45:00.001-07:00

Toddler who loves cellphone + cellphone always on vibrate so it doesn't wake toddler = Lost Cellphone = Mommy on the floor, dialing her cell phone number repeatedly, straining to hear the vibration.

Only took 40 minutes to find the thing.

Sheesh.

THE MASTER SCHEDULE & EHOW EARNINGS

2009-09-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

I need to keep track of all the balls in the air, so here's a peek into our schedule:

Monday:
Putter around the house.
Exercise in the am while the babeola watches Sesame St.
Write for pay during naptime.
Tutor in the evening.
Husband on grill duty for dinner.

Tuesday:
Music Class.
Write for pay during naptime.
Cook dinner and solo parent most of the day into the night as husband has school.
Exercise after the babeola goes to bed.

Wednesday:
Putter around the house.
Exercise in the am while the babeola watches Sesame St.
Write for pay during naptime.
Cook dinner and tutor in the evening.

Thursday:
Nature Preschool.
Write for pay during naptime.
Tutor at night.
Husband on grill duty for dinner.

Friday:
Putter around the house.
Exercise in the am while the babeola watches Sesame St.
Write for pay during naptime.
Grocery shopping in the afternoon.

Saturday:
Writing, writing writing while the husband takes the babeola to grandparent funded Gymboree classes.
Cooking, cooking, cooking for the day and week ahead.
Cleaning if I can muster the interest/energy.
Take babeola so husband can work on home projects.

Sunday:
Take babeola so husband can work on home projects.
More cooking.

It looks kind of idyllic on paper, but the reality is I have ZERO downtime. I am running out the door once the husband gets home and praying I'll be on time for my students. Puttering doesn't mean I get to clean the house, it means I do whatever the babeola will let me. If I want to do dishes, I have to skip breakfast and load the dishwasher while the babeola is eating instead of eating myself. Exercise is often interrupted to deal with demands for hugs that devolve into tantrums if I don't behave like a good little hostage.

I did take on some freelance writing just because money is tight. The money is nice, but I take a big hit on time. I'm hoping I can confine the work to just nap time, but I may be working some nights after I'm done tutoring. I have no idea when I'll work on my own web content projects and may have to let them lapse a bit because I DO NOT want to be working all night every night. That leads to pain from typing all the time and exhaustion from never having downtime.

I thought staying home would yield a better work life balance. In reality, I am working harder than I was before and making less money. Huh.

I also want to touch on the home project stuff. The husband is building the babeola an adorable play kitchen. I'm SO excited for her. She is going to LOVE it.

Plus we've decided to completely rearrange our house (with ALL that free time we have *snort*) and how we live in it. This will involve multiple minor construction projects. I expect it will take a year or more to get it all done, but once completed we will have a dining room--finally a place to eat together as a family!-- a small TV room, and a tiny playroom. Sure, we'll be sleeping in the hallway upstairs, yielding the rest of the dormer to the babeola, but we'll have adequate living space for once! My books have been packed up for 2.5 years now which is UNACCEPTABLE.

Lastly, I am doing well on ehow. I strongly encourage anyone struggling to make ends meet to check into writing for them. I have made over a $100 a month now with 5 months of hard work behind me. Today I made $8 and haven't written anything for ehow in weeks, which is what makes residual income sites like ehow so nice, you keep making money long after the work is done.

It is not difficult to make money on ehow, but it is hard work. This is the best ehow tutorial I've ever seen and it's free. In this economy, I know so many people are struggling and barely making it, ehow can ease the financial burden.

CAN YOU USE A NANNY CAM ON YOUR KIDS?

2009-09-28T10:11:00.000-07:00

The one item I really wanted when I was pregnant and sorting through all the 'must haves' of parenthood, was a video baby monitor. My husband vetoed it however saying it was too expensive. To this day, I regret not asking for or just outright buying a video baby monitor.

Being able to watch your kids without them knowing is priceless. The babeola is having some awful tantrums today and naptime is not going well. If I check on her to see if she has finally given herself a concussion this time from the rage induced headbanging, she'll see me which will then hit the reset button on the tantrum.

Avoiding the tantrum reset button is one of the major goals of my life people. Imagine if I could just sit back and watch her on CCTV? She would never know I was there. There would be no telltale creak of the floor boards, and I would be assured that she continued to breathe and had not inadvertently decapitated herself in a fit of toddler rage.

Parenting is all about peace of mind and I have yet to experience it. All for want of a video baby monitor.

We are also entering a new parenting phase, which is to say, the babeola has outpaced us and requires a whole new set of parenting tricks as of three days ago. Unfortunately, we missed the memo and have been caught with our pants down.

It used to be that so long as we sang the 'bye bye' song that we were fine. No muss, no fuss. Transitions were easy peasy. Well, now the babeola has decided to assert her independence by screaming no and refusing to move along.

So we took a long car trip this past weekend (which the babeola does not travel well to begin with) and she flipped out because she was overtired and stuck in an uncomfortable car seat. There was a lot of pacifier and lovey throwing. Plus screaming.

I patiently retrieved the lovey and pacifier over and over and over again. Contorting myself into weird positions on such a repeated basis, I was sore the next day.

Finally I snapped and we had the following exchange.

ME: Momma is being kind to you and picking up your lovey and paci over and over. I don't like it when you throw it. It's not helpful. It's obnoxious. Can you say obnoxious?

BABEOLA: Nooooo.

ME:I'm not picking it up again. You'll just have to wait.

Time passes and of course I eventually pick everything up again because I am a sucker like that (and I know she really can't help herself).

ME: Are you done being rude?

BABEOLA: Noooo.

ME: Well then we'll wait until you're ready to behave. I need your cooperation. Can you be helpful?

BABEOLA: *Screams*

ME: Are you ready to keep your paci in your mouth?

BABEOLA: Noooo. *Screams*

Clearly neither of us were operating at full capacity. WTF am I doing asking a kid to say the word obnoxious? All I can say is that we do that a lot when she hears a new word and I think it was a bit of an autopilot moment. And while the verbage I was using may seem too old for her and destined to be ineffective, believe it or not, the babeola sometimes responds to the finger wagging mommy lecture (more on that later in this post).

Um, yeah, there was also finger wagging.

Thankfully, she eventually fell asleep--about 30 minutes from our exit, sigh-- but only after I sang 'Row row row your boat' 300 times and not without a lot more screaming. My husband had NO problem staying awake for the drive home due to the decibel level in the van ( as well as laughing at our conversation).

This is what happens when you have a child who doesn't sleep in the car. I can't believe we're brave enough to keep taking these road trips.

We've also had issues with not wanting to transition to the next activity. The babeola has preferences and knows what she wants now. She also knows what she wants to wear.

Now, one of my earlier memories is having a pitched battle at the age of 2 with my mother over a ribbon that was supposed to go around the neck of a blouse. It was a battle that I won, which should tell you something about the stubborn genes the babeola has inherited.

The other day, she saw an outfit on her dresser that she decided was a "cute dress" and when I showed up at the changing table with something else, she about lost her shit. I had to very emphatically reassure her that what I had chosen was super cute and pretty too. Luckily she acquiesced to wearing it.

But yeah, I need to revamp the parenting methods at the Weak household.

No more questions because the answer will always be no.

Keep her out of her closet and don't let her see any other clothes except the ones she's going to wear.

Full implementation of 'bright shiny object' parenting, which is the idea of being ready with an offer of something even more interesting or cool to see/do/eat.

Bait and switch supposedly works too. We will no longer 'change our diaper' instead we will be 'looking for Elmo' (who happens to be the character on the diapers).

Continue with the finger wagging mommy lectures because they do work about 60% of the time for some odd reason. I feel compelled to add for anyone still reading, that I am very interested in parenting according to Family Virtues which is what brings in big words like 'cooperation' 'helpful' etc... into the lectures. I'm trying to lay some groundwork.

Stop telling her she's cute so much and emphasize other traits like intelligence. I'm a bit unnerved to how the babeola has latched onto the concept of cute.

Also, I will be indulging the recent tooth brushing obsession by letting her go at it for as long as she wants this afternoon. On days we need to get out of the house by a certain time, we'll skip it or brush teeth later when we have two hours or more of free time to do it right. Of course, I haven't quite figured out how I will skip brushing her teeth while still brushing mine.

Feel free to add anything I've missed.

FAT BASHING DOCTORS, AN UPDATE ON THE SPANKING SITUATION AND CRAFT TANTRUMS

2009-09-25T19:42:00.000-07:00

I left the comment below in response to this post featuring several doctors subscribing to the 'if the fatties would just stop eating, they would lose weight, but since they are obviously too stupid to do so let's discriminate against them and charge them more money' theory of obesity:

"I suggest everyone read Good Calories, Bad Calories by Gary Taubes and then maybe we can have an intelligent conversation.

How is it we sell more low calorie, low fat food, buy more gym memberships every year and yet we just keep getting fatter? It ain't that hard to diet and exercise.

Given all the 'healthy' changes we've made, you would expect to see at least a stabilization in the numbers if not a small decrease at the very least. But we just keeping packing on the pounds.

The Cleveland Clinic can discriminate against the obese all they like...just as soon as they figure out how to to prevent/cure it*.

Until then it's discriminatory and ignorant bullshit.

M"

*Also I don't consider bariatric surgery to be a cure.

You know, the medical profession overindulges in obesity stereotypes. Well, folks I am the anti-stereotype. 10 years of exercise and strict dieting did JACK SHIT. When I found out I was infertile and got a diagnosis, things made sense finally. But even today doctors will tell me that I am wrong about how much I was eating. Even though I successfully had lost weight and maintained the loss up until prednisone tanked my adrenals.

Fat people lie. And they can't count calories either. That's what medical schools and 'studies' tell our doctors. You're condemned before you even step on the scale.

These medical school hot shots literally cannot accept that I was a previously successful dieter who could no longer lose weight no matter what I did FOR A DECADE. It says a lot about the medical profession that I can count on one hand the number of physicians who GET IT and actually know what the hell they are talking about. The last thing I would do, given the current prejudicial sentiment in medical circles and the dearth of accurate information or effective treatments is take any advice on weight loss or obesity policy from a medical professional.

Ugh. Sorry to rant. I just get so annoyed. 100 years from now (much too late to help me) experts will look back on this era and shake their heads at the ignorance that abounds on this issue. I suspect history will not look too kindly on hospital CEOs suggesting fat people shouldn't be hired.

And why is it that los medicos that feel this way are always Repbulican? Is fat a partisan issue?

As for the spanking caretaker... it was must better this week. The poor kid is still a mess as the caretaker really doesn't understand toddlers, but at least I didn't feel like I needed to talk to the instructor about moving us to a different class/making spanking something that requires leaving the room to be done in private/calling the poor kid's parents to be sure they knew their child was being disciplined this way. So...phew dodged a bullet.

Playdate with music mom went well. Her little one is such a cutie pie. The babeola, however, was not so cute. I think she's teething. So lots of ragin' toddler over here. Between the head butting and the biting this week, I feel like I've been jumped into a gang. The mommies whose babies beat them gang.

I've also done some crafts with her and every single time she has a meltdown. Instead of enjoying herself, she lose her shit and falls apart. Probably because I am seriously craft impaired. Whenever I visit some of the other crafty mommy blogs, everyone is happy, all the crafts are beautiful and then there's me and my crafts, which end up looking like Edward Scissorhands let loose after doing some meth.

It's like I'm missing a craft gene or something. Despite my handicap, I soldier on believing that exposure to the arts, even if everyone is miserable, is important. Or at least it will give the babeola's therapist something to work with. Hmmmm. Your mother forced you to apply stickers of Elmo to pink paper? Along with free access to crayons?Truly, my dear, you were horribly abused as a child.

I will be posting some craft tantrum pics on the other blog and have some shots that are funny (in retrospect) of the babeloa doing crafts while big, fat tears stream down her face.

I have always lamented at the lack of Things To Do with young toddlers. Perhaps this is the reason? Nuclear meltdowns over not being allowed to eat the gluestick?

THOUGHTS AND CONFRONTATIONS ON OTHER PEOPLE'S PARENTING

2009-09-22T10:43:00.000-07:00

Hi. Sorry to be so quiet, I've felt kind of dull and uninteresting lately and didn't want to inflict myself on anyone. Plus, we are starting a new schedule which is always exhausting. And I had awful food poisoning (did I mention that?) which managed to burst all the capillaries in my neck and face. I had little pinpricks of blood all over, it was weird. And ugly. I hid in the house until it healed.

The babeola is back in music therapy classes and there are a ton of kids in her class now--I guess word got around about how cheap and great the classes were. So it's utter chaos; the room is hot, none of the new mommies understand the rules and they talk all class long (which is a no-no for music therapy). However, I did ask one of the music class mommas out on a date. We had a good vibe the first session (her daughter is a ham and poked the babeola in the belly button). I was always sorry I didn't try to get to know her, so when I saw her at this session, I held her at gun point until she wrote down my email address.

Okay, there was no gun, but if there had been, I would have used it.

Anyway, hopefully that will blossom into a nice mom and toddler friendship. We shall see.

Also, can I just say that sometimes rough and tumble kids who push and hit their way through play encounters, are not 'just born that way I guess'. Especially if the parents never ever take the time to teach their children it's not okay to hit. What kills me is the surprise the parents have at how badly their little ones bully. In the same breath they'll express shock and then tell me they don't intervene in physical altercations between kids at home.

It makes me want to shout 'Duh' at the top of my lungs. Hello, cause, meet effect. These kids a) don't know they're not supposed to hit and b) don't know how to say sorry because it has never been required and c) Probably aren't so hot on the empathy front since it is never modeled for them and d) They don't share because, in their house, might makes right.

And the poor babeola? Is not used to getting the crap beaten out of her. It doesn't even occur to her to hit back (although she has mastered the passive aggressive shove. You know, the one that goes 'if I just keep gently bumping against you,edging you microinch by microinch to the left, soon you'll have to let go of that toy and it will be all MINE! Mwahahaha'). We do not hit at home or anyplace else. So these smack happy kids are a real shock.

Some days I want to lean over and whisper in those kids ears, "Newsflash. She's taller and heavier than you, once she figures that out, I wouldn't want to be you."

Note: I am not talking about you and your kid. Only the kids and parents I have met in the last week. Trust me when I say it is egregious and outside the norm. There's no hyperbole in describing these encounters.

The other class we attend is a nature based preschool type class at the local wild animal rescue. The class is fantastic, but one of the kids has an older relative taking care of her. This older relative's only parenting/discipline method is spanking. Oh, and threats of spanking. That's it. The entire discipline repertoire.

So in a little over an hour, this kid was spanked about 6-8 times. I lost count of the threats. The kid is a handful, no question. One of those extreme, sensory seeking personality types. The acting out is partly caused by the spanking because her needs are unrecognized and unmet.

At one point she was crying and having a meltdown because she finished her snack. To my perspective, the child had really enjoyed the snack and was having a hard time with the transition to it being gone. The way I parent in these situations is to empathize and verbalize a child's feelings and help them move on. The relative however, whipped out the old spanking threat. Um, yeah, I always find hitting an effective way to manage transitions and emotions. Spanking teaches real life coping skills. Whenever I am sad, I ask my husband to just wallop me good. Not!

So at one end of the spectrum, we have the inappropriate use of spanking as one issue. At the other end, we have the issue of this relative being so old that she a) can't outrun the child when she escapes from the classroom (repeatedly) and b) is oblivious to things like the child eating craft supplies that are choking hazards.

Now, look, I am not a fan of spanking, but I can deal with it since so many families use it as a discipline technique.Spanking is not the hill I'm willing to die on. But there is spanking that is used effectively and spanking that is neglect. This was neglect. I say neglect as opposed to abuse because this poor kid's emotional needs were completely ignored. This is far more detrimental, both short term and long term, than the pain and physical effects of a spanking. Long term, this is how you make people who can only feel loved when they are being treated like dirt.

So it turned out--lucky me!--that these people were parked next to me. Of course, the child didn't want to go in her carseat. The less her needs are met, the worse her behavior, it was just so obvious to me. Of course the way the relative handled this was to spank the child repeatedly. And of course, the child was not in the car seat.

I really have to wonder at what point it occurs to the caretaker that the spanking is not working. Because we have passed the hour mark in this story and the spanking is continuing, as is the poor behavior from the child. Hey look, another 'hello cause, meet effect' moment.

So I ended up intervening. I have never done that before. It was scary. The last thing I want to do is get in the middle of this stuff, but I could not bear to drive off knowing that child was going to be hit repeatedly. I asked if the relative needed any help and offered some cookies to use as a bribe.

The spanking stopped. The child sat in her car seat. Cookies were administered liberally.

And now I wonder how I am going to stand witnessing this awful situation for the next 3 months. Further, I really don't want the babeola to see an adult hitting a child repeatedly. If it continues (and I am sooooo praying this was a one-off experience, that we caught them on a really bad day) I will feel the need to speak up not just for the sake of that child, but for that of the babeola too.

Which, ugh. What would you do?

Rock, Meet Hard Place. Mother in the Middle.

2009-09-15T19:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Babeola:

You are a giantess who is rapidly outgrowing the largest size diaper known to man (and perhaps some other alien species out there who also use diapers.com). The only thing more worrisome is the complete and utter lack of interest in potty training.

You are a girl. You are almost 2 and look like you're going on 4. My child, you're supposed to do this potty stuff earlier that everyone else. As in before you need Depends.

I realize you haven't read the books that explain all this so tonight I will leave them in your crib. Please read them when you wake up and act on the information contained within.

Thanks
Momma

THIS MOMMA WRITES

2009-08-30T18:46:00.000-07:00

I should be in bed, but ever the procrastinator, here I am.

I spent the weekend at a writing conference and met the publisher of an anthology that featured one of my stories. The anthology came out right around the babeola's due date so I never got to do any promo such as a signing or being on a panel at a writing con. Nor did I connect with the publisher during local promo stops, a classic case of childbirthis interruptus. So I made a point to stop by this weekend and introduce myself two years after the fact.

I am so glad I did.

I found out my story is a reader favorite. The publisher is a lovely woman who greeted me with a joyful hug, which rocked. I subsequently googled the anthology a bit and found a reviewer who said my story was their absolute favorite.

Which led to my own personal squeeeeeee moment.

Other than that, I missed the babeola fiercely and we indulged in some joyful hugs of our own this afternoon. It is good to be home.

Read This

2009-08-28T09:11:00.000-07:00

As a promotional experiment, I put up a short story of mine for free over on Scribd. It's about a bitchy witch who falls in love.

The short story was well received with lots of compliments from editors, but ultimately never found a home. So I'm pretty sure it doesn't suck.

Although your mileage may vary. Here's the link: If the Shoe Fits.

BEACH WITHDRAWAL

2009-08-24T09:36:00.000-07:00

The vacation was wonderful. I highly highly recommend the Leelanau County area of Michigan. The beaches are pristine, the water is crystal clear and you can hit a different beach every day to keep things interesting. It's pricey though so, if you go, bring as many groceries as you can with you or you'll pay double at the local grocery store.

We stayed in Glen Arbor which has the Cherry Republic store. Cherry Republic makes cherry everything; wine, fudge, salsa, bbq sauce, cookies, candy etc... I love cherries so it was a bit like visiting heaven. Every day. For a week.

My husband was also infected with cherry love and smuggled home 5 jars of the cherry salsa, which he stubbornly and annoyingly refuses to share.

The babeola loved the beach. Loved swimming. She had absolutely no fear at all and screamed with joy every time Daddy threw her up in the air in 5 foot deep water. She didn't even care when he missed her a few times and she went completely under. She'd pop up to the surface courtesy of her life jacket and screech 'More? Pwease?'

The pre-vacation wedding was also fun because the babeola looked adorable. One of the bridesmaids even came up to us and told us how adorable the babeola was. Like we didn't know! We kept her up until 10 and let her dance her heart out--she spins like a dervish. We called it a night when the babeola kept trying to do the electric slide and, in the process, threatened to trip everyone on the dance floor. For some reason, moving her three feet to the left, out of the way, was cause for a huge nuclear meltdown. So we ran before the shrieks sprialed up to the octave where they start to echo (I'm not exaggerating either).

The big surprise of the last week was the fact that my daughter can read letters and numbers. I'm astonished. I've always suspected she might be smart, but this seems to prove it. I still can't quite wrap my mind around it. I've been assured that I don't need to do anything special for her, just carry on as usual. However, given that I was a bit precocious academically as a child and am not happy, in retrospect, with how it was handled, I'm going to be a little more hands on as the babeola progresses.

DESTINATION: PROCRASTINATION--PLUS STILETTO ADVICE NEEDED

2009-08-11T08:37:00.001-07:00

I don't think it's a coincidence that the word nation figures prominently in procrastination. There's probably an undiscovered continent out there full of procrastinators. I should really be working, but here I am...procrastination's finest citizen.

The laptop is still here, feebly carrying on. I will pack it up, I swear, sometime before Thursday.

The babeola is cute as always. She's talking so much now. So many words and sentences. One of which is 'Oh shit' which is hilarious because a) none of us say 'oh shit' so I have no idea where it came from. My potty mouth is much too dirty to settle for a mere 'oh shit' and b) she lisps when she says it so it sounds like 'oh thit'. My husband has given me orders to cover. As in, when he taught her 'Sucker' he morphed it into soccer ball and she now happily natters on about the soccer ball. So I guess I must now try to get the babeola to go along with 'sit'.

I am also amazed that the babeola listens to me. Why should she listen to me? No one listens to me. I am the person who has the great idea that no one listens to until someone else champions it (and then steals the credit). But the babeola actually does listen to me and my discipline approach seems to be working. I'm stunned. She has been such a prickly pear and nothing has ever been easy on this parenting gig so I can't believe I carry any weight.

Yet she's responding to my warnings of 'if you persist in shrieking like a pterodactyl/throwing your toys, I think you need to take a break in your crib.' I purposely avoid the phrase time out because that's not what I'm doing. Taking a break isn't punitive, it's a reset button. She gets a cuddle, an explanation of what is and is not appropriate, her lovey, a paci, some books and some quiet time. When she comes back, she's in a better mood and things go much more smoothly. Sometimes she even moderates her behavior and avoids the break altogether.

I'm flabbergasted. My daughter. She listens. I might even be a competent parent. Who saw that coming? Not me.

Now, internets, please advise how one goes about walking in stilettos after 2+ years of no heels. Because there's a wedding this week and I'm trying to avoid buying new shoes, leaving me with 3" stilettos. I've been trying to wear them off and on during the day, but I totter like a drunk log roller. Thoughts?

P.S. Check out this article on how to decorate baby rooms for some awesome inspiration. If you checked out the boy's room I linked to a while back and loved it as much as I did, this article is for you. Great tips on how to design modern baby nurseries.

LOST IN TRANSLATION OR ONE BIG DUH FOR MOMMA

2009-08-02T17:27:00.000-07:00

We went to the mall this weekend and did some corporate clothes shopping for the husband. The babeola was charming. First, cracking us all up with her over-the-top indignant response to mommy saying she was 'an angry toddler'. She even made herself laugh with her hyperbole. Then she noticed when all the ladies at the mall cooed over how cute she was, seeming to understand, for the first time, when the word cute was used in relation to her. The babeola preens like a peacock, by the way. She had a blast on the kiddie train with daddy and ran wild on the indoor playground finally having mastered the ability to climb up the big slide.

And she brought her favorite book with her, clutched in one chubby hand like a shield. I offered several times to carry it in my purse, but was turned down with a curt shake of the head. Finally, though, her attention span failed her and the book was abandoned for other amusements.

So I plopped it into my purse and we continued on our jaunt. Buying daddy a suit and bunch of shirts with ties. Some tops for momma and we, of course, stepped into Gymboree where the babeola knocked on the display window and waved to all the shocked and amused passerbys, screeching gleefully 'Hiiiiiii!'

As I perused the racks of expensive-even-when-marked-down baby clothes, the babeola tugged at my knee, jibbering something. I absentmindedly nodded and smiled and when she became more insistent offered to let her hold a shirt.

Which she impatiently tossed to the floor while shouting "Booooooook!"

"Oh, honey. I'm sorry. I'm not used to understanding what you say." Ba-dum-bum. I heard some snickering from the moms around me on that one.

She also said 'Bless you mommy' after I sneezed and is making sentences. And I took her to a little kiddie carnival where she shrieked 'weeee' on every ride and was upset when I wouldn't let her go on the rollercoaster.

Overall a very nice weekend.

As for the laptop, it will be going in sometime before the 14th to coincide with our vacation, which I hadn't planned on having the laptop for. So that works well.

Here are some recent-ish pics. Look at those curls!

LINKS TO ADDICTION

2009-07-28T08:52:00.000-07:00

I think the first sign of an internet problem might be when your laptop REALLY NEEDS TO BE REPAIRED and yet...you don't send it in because HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT IT? How? Someone tell meeeeeee.

That and I've spent the morning daydreaming that I am an interior designer while obsessively reading the Cookie Magazine website. Oh the beauty! The vintage chicness. The cuteness kills ! Good Lord, how cool is European design? Oh how empty my wallet is.

Because I am not exactly cranking out the writing this week. I'm too tired. I had a weird ear thing flare up that kept me up all night. I thought it was an ear infection at first, but when I wasn't sick the next day, I decided it must be the partially erupted wisdom tooth I am too chickensh*t to have removed. Ye Gads was that painful. I couldn't even touch my ear and it radiated into my jaw and forehead.

Yet I'm still too chickensh*t to go in for the surgery. Yes, I'm aware I've stabbed myself in the stomach with long needles and let a doctor use a 12 inch+ long needle to get eggs from my ovaries, but I'm living under the law of 'the more medical stuff you do, the more likely something terrible will happen.' Like calling 911 for an allergic reaction. By the way, I have the same law for flying and get very nervous when I fly a lot. I once flew 17 times in 3 months and was totally white-knuckling it from the 10th flight on.

I probably need therapy. Or Xanax.

Anyway, more link fun. Because once I send in my laptop they will probably erase all my bookmarks. *SOB* (I mean that both ways, sob as in crying and sob as in son of a ...). So I must post them all here so I don't lose anything cool.

Here is a link to a great science themed/messy party. This mom is SO COOL! I would totally do this as a way to have fun on a booooooring summer day.

This baby boy nursery is to die for with the cuteness. I looooove it. Love wall decals. You have got to check it out, it's really well done.

Here is a jeweler who will take your child's art and cast it in metal. It's a little pricey (starts at $59) but what a great way to make a custom key chain for a fantastically sentimental Father's Day gift. (Okay, yes, I'm a little over the top with the hyper hyperbole today. It's a mood, roll with it.)

I totally want to make this foamboard dollhouse and I can see having tons of inexpensive, creative fun with the babeola doing this when she's older. This could easily be adapted for boys to make a Star Wars or other character/story inspired set.

I think these dots would be a fun way to decorate the babeola's room.

UPDATE

2009-07-26T09:17:00.001-07:00

My laptop is going to repair hell next week. We'll see how often I get on the internet with it gone.

I have a bazillion upfront pay writing assignments to do and zero interest, energy and motivation. Blech.

Forbes magazine has a lot of articles up on Peak Oil. They make for interesting reading. From what I understand, a year or so ago, they poo-pooed peak oil, claiming it didn't exist. And now look at 'em, they're got a multi-article spread on the topic--there's even one on how high gas prices will cure obesity. The times, they are changing.

We said goodbye to my nephew and dropped him off at the airport last week. My mom will be coming shortly to stay with us for a while since she just sold her house and is planning to relocate overseas after an upcoming family wedding. Then my mother-in-law will be coming to stay for a few months because the rest of the family (with whom she lives) can't stand her anymore. Fun times ahead. Should I start drinking now or wait?

The babeola is going through a cute phase. I got her an easel with chalkboard and she loves to draw with 'cock' as she calls it. The deck we started building in May is almost done. Just needs to be sanded and stained and it will serve as nice, self-contained, outdoor play area. (Because of the dogs, we don't let the babeola roam freely in the backyard. Too much poop and doggie pot holes for that to be safe.)

I know I'm forgetting something here. Drat. I can't remember. Oh well, that's all I've got for now.

Cheerio!

THE THINGS WE THINK BEFORE WE BECOME PARENTS: TODDLER MANIFESTO

2009-07-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

Editor's Note: Still have the laptop and still waiting for the shipping information for the repair. GRRRRR.

I made this Toddler Manifesto a while back when the babeola was still an infant. I found it on my computer today and had a good laugh. Oh the magical fantasies we weave, when first we practice to conceive (to butcher Shakespeare) before we know our child's personality or have any clue about what it takes to parent. Not that I don't think the manifesto isn't a good idea, but implementation is easier said than done.

One thing prospective and new parents need to keep in mind is that all parenting is conducted under conditions similar to those experienced by prisoners in Guantanamo Bay, namely sleep deprivation. If you are the kind of person who is perky and happy and thrilled to be alive even if you haven't slept in 3 days, well, congratulations! Your speed or meth use will make you a great parent. If you are grumpy and antisocial on 5 hours of sleep, you are going to be a sucky parent or start injecting caffeine via IV drip (or copy those perky people and use speed and meth) in an effort to overcome what I call 'sleep mood disorder'.

Guess which parent I am.

Hint: I drink coke zero and tea like they are the fountain of youth. (I also cleverly stage books around the crib so when she wakes up at dawn, she has something to do besides scream for me to come and get her. I like to think this buys me at least an extra ten minutes in bed.)

Further, the babeola is much more fiery than I anticipated. In my pre-parent fantasy world, she would, of course, realize that mommy was right and reasonable. (Are you laughing at me yet? You should be!) Instead she is stubborner than a mule, not to mention her momma.

Also at 21 months, she's not really ready to listen to me explain. Maybe at 3 the Toddler Manifesto will be effective. At 21 months? It has no impact.

So without further ado, here is a parenting plan that I might be able to use in a year or so, about two years after I wrote it.

THE (very ambitious and slightly impractical) TODDLER MANIFESTO

Communication:

1.       Get down to their level and look them in the eye.

2.       Speak in toddler-ese, i.e. simple, direct statements that are repeated.

3.       Name the toddler’s emotion to help them identify their feelings and, if appropriate, offer a course of action to help them resolve their problems.

4.       Then explain your feelings and/or what needs to happen next.

5.       Always speak with respect, use please and thank you

6.       Ask toddler to repeat instructions back to you to ensure they are retaining what you’ve just said

7.       Use loving touch, i.e. hugs, cuddling, holding hands as you talk.

8.       Apologizing helps toddlers learn to apologize themselves.

9.       Ask questions and listen to the toddler’s answers.

10.   Involve toddlers in finding a solution to the problem.

11.   Offer guided and limited choices where you are happy with either one the toddler selects i.e. blueberries or banana, yellow or pink shirt

12.   Say YES as often as possible.

Eating:
1.Mealtimes are family time. Everyone will sit at the table.

2. Food will be offered, not forced.

3.New foods have a ‘one bite and spit out If you don’t like it’ policy.

4.Toddlers are not expected to eat on an adult schedule. If they are hungry, we will feed them, even if it’s after a meal.

5. While we won’t cook special meals just for our toddler, we will make reasonable accommodations for their food preferences.

Tantrums:

1.Use the communication skills outlined above.

2. Be sure to validate the toddler’s feelings.

3. Then defuse the situation by changing location or circumstance.

4.If a child is hit or bitten, shower attention on the wounded child and ignore the aggressor.

5. If the cause of the tantrum is something that can be postponed (i.e. brushing teeth) drop it and try again later. Discuss the situation and the need to try again once the toddler is calm.

6. Take a break. Maybe everyone just needs a moment to themselves to read a book or do some other quiet activity. This is not a punishment and the toddler should agree to that it’s time to take a break and pick the place and activity they are going to do.

7. Don’t get angry, keep your cool so you can guide the toddler through the tantrum.

QUESTION FOR THE MOMMAS AND THE POPPAS

2009-07-17T07:06:00.000-07:00

But first and FYI, my laptop is fried and needs repairs. I'm arguing with the extended warranty people and I. Will. Win. Because I am the bigger bitch. Meaning, at some point, the laptop will go * poof * in the mail and I may disappear somewhat abruptly from the internet.

Never fear. I will be back.

On to today's dilemma...

I have a weird super mommy power. I know when the babeola is going to have a night terror/wake up screaming/be up all night practicing phonics. (I kid you not, she's going to be asking to read War and Peace sometime next week at this rate. Did I mention she types on the laptop and knows many of the letters? On her own? My mind boggles.)

So. Given that I can tell it's coming, should I wake her up and try to head it off? Or continue to respond after the fact, which usually means I'm up all night with her.

What do you think?

THE INCREDIBLE HULK

2009-07-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

Today, I calmly looked at the babeola, who was turning red with rage while shrieking like Satan after someone slipped some ice down his pants, and said "If you were older, I would suspect 'roid rage."

But clearly she is too young to be shooting up steroids at the gym. Nor has she turned green, so I guess I can rule out Hulk genes in the IVF petri dish.

I don't know if this is part of the vacation wind down or a new developmental phase, but Good Lord people, I see why some mommies drink too much and do meth.

This morning, she was screaming and thrashing and frustrated beyond all reason myself, I screamed back. We had an entire conversation in Primal Scream. You shoulda been there.

Yesterday, my friend and I (who have kids about 5 months apart) both told our children 'I have no sympathy for you,' thereby making us the meanest moms on the planet.

In other news, my nephew is here visiting and the babeola just adores him. Probably because he doesn't scream at her. She knows his name and talks about him constantly. Except the only thing understandable is his name, I have no idea what else she is saying.

But I sometimes imagine it is something like "Can I go live with Nephew? I'm small enough to fit in his suitcase."

SUCK IT--I DON'T CARE

2009-07-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

So one of the things I noticed this past week is how hyper everyone is about pacifiers and bottles. We had relatives yanking the paci out of the babeola's mouth while commenting on its evilness.

The babeola took it in stride, but I found it to be rude. Kind of like someone yanking a chocolate bar out of your mouth. Way to lord adult authority over a small, pre-verbal child, people. Bully much?

Contrary to what my judgmental extended family may believe, we do limit the paci time at home. We have a routine where she sets it on the bookcase next to her crib before we leave her room. We do the same thing with the lovey as I am terrified of losing the thing and try to keep it safe in the crib at home.

However, while traveling I relaxed the rules and let the babeola have the paci and her lovey as much as she wanted. I figured it was the least we could do after strapping her into a car seat for 12+ hours.

I did not anticipate how anti-pacifier people were though. I noted downright embarrassment and mortification from other moms in the family when their little ones were caught with a binky in their mouths. And the commentary over the babeola's binky habit, made my eyes roll into the back of my head.

It was weird, as if kids are in danger of growing so dependent they might go to their grave with a pacifier in their mouths. I am not the kind of parent who worries about that stuff. I sucked my thumb until I was 12, but I stopped and have a great smile without braces so nyah-nyah. My husband recalls getting daily bottles of hot chocolate through the age of 6, yet, at 37, doesn't require his beer bottles to come with a nipple on top.

Pacifiers and bottles, to me, are self-limiting attachments that will be outgrown when a child is ready to leave them behind. I don't need to do anything special other than honor my child's need for comfort and I am not embarrassed by it either.

People need to chill.

LEAVING THE NEST

2009-07-14T08:52:00.000-07:00

I'm back. Did you miss me? I'm kind of bamboozled and shellshocked.

The babeola does not travel well. She doesn't sleep in the car. She doesn't sleep in the pack'n'play. Or the hotel crib. When she doesn't sleep, we don't sleep.

Which is a fun way to gear up for a 15 hour drive.

Never again.

If it hadn't been for the memorial service for my grandparents, we would not have gone.

Even though she loved the cows, horses, and the open land to roam on the family farm. Plus, there were multiple baby pools full of water for her to dip her toes in, which is like, you know, toddler nirvana.

Thank God for DVD players. We went through two this trip. The first one up and died and I immediately gave my husband marching orders to travel the Kansas prairie until he found another one.

Keeping DVDs on a constant loop in the minivan saved our souls.

Other than that, the trip was bittersweet. The picnic pavilion on the farm had a bird's nest in the eaves. The babies went nuts every time momma or poppa flew by, mouths open wide shrieking 'feed me, feed me'. At the end of the reunion though, we watched them stretch their wings for their first flight into the big world. The nest was too small to hold them any longer.

I felt the same way. The farm is no longer my nest. I have outgrown my prairie roots, especially now that I don't have my grandmother to ground me.

I hope we go back at least once when the babeola is older so she knows where her family came from, but after that, I think I'm done. I'm too liberal, too world weary, and not nearly religious enough to fit in. It doesn't feel like family any more.

Time to leave the nest.

CUTENESS AS PROMISED

2009-07-06T20:34:00.000-07:00

Not the picture I was thinking of, but I found this on my computer. A few weeks ago, the babeola went to bed and was vewy, vewy quiet (said like Elmer Fudd on a rabbit hunt). We didn't think anything of it until we went to check on her before we turned in for the night.

The little thief had managed to filch a book out of her bookcase and spent several hours (we heard her rolling around which is how we knew she was up) reading it until sleep claimed her.

SAYONARA

2009-07-06T10:56:00.000-07:00

Hey internets. I'm outta here. Off to a funeral yadda, yadda etc...

Plus my laptop is going in for repairs so the next post will probably be a long time coming.

Although if I get my shizz together and download pics off the camera, I may be able to squeeze in some babeola cuteness before I leave town.

So, I'll be back. At some point.

Cheers.

HAPPY 4th

2009-07-04T18:24:00.000-07:00

So, are we the only losers with no life sitting at home thinking Barry Manilow looks so very frail while singing Copacobana?

Then again, the 4th has never been a big holiday for me. I like the barbecues and getting together with family, but am not such a fan of the boom boom. I think the last time I went to fireworks proper I was in my 20s.

That was a looooong time ago.

Anyway, I'm at loose ends. I have no work to do as I cleared my schedule to help my husband with a big research paper for his history class. I get to fix all his verb tenses and direct objects as they relate to Benito Mussolini. Whoopee.

Plus, in 3 days we are hitting the road, driving to Kansas to finally bury my poor grandparents (they were cremated and the family never got further than that until now) and attend my grandmother's extended family reunion. So I'm kind of on vacation-with-a-funeral. Pre-funeral/vacation if you will.

I like this vacation shizz. I read some of Gary Taube's Good Calories, Bad Calorie today, which is phenomenal. This book will change nutrition and weight loss as we know it. You should read it if you are a science geek like me. Although I'm a bit surprised that some Dorito and Oreo executives haven't hired a sniper to take Taube out becuase he's going to kill their sales.

As an added bonus, the asthma cleared up finally. Sooooo happy about that. Haven't heard back from Kaiser re: my letter though.

On the downside, the weight loss is not happening. In fact, I think I gained. Meh. I suspect that everything is all screwed up from me trying to do low fat/high carb diets for over a decade. I'm probably going to have to resort to some extreme low carb measures to kick start weight loss.

QUICKIE

2009-07-01T13:51:00.000-07:00

I think the babeola is teething. She's had her hands crammed in her mouth all day so...ya think? I tried to give her some Motrin and she pitched a fit so I put in the plug (paci) and let the TV mesmerize her.

As for my relative, he is home finally. Thank goodness. That was scary! I'm still not sure what the hold up was as it doesn't take 2 days to fly in from Europe, but he's home. Twenty pounds lighter, but home.

For those who want to follow me on eHow. Here's my rainmaker article, the one where I'm actually making some moolah. You can click on my name to sift through my other articles. While it's nice to try and isolate high value keywords, you really never know what will make you money or not. So if you want to do eHow, just write and don't worry too much about keywords (although don't completely ignore them either).

If you look at the ad costs for keywords related to my moneymaker, the ads are valued at $0.05 a click and I'm making much more than that. The again, eHow claims to use a proprietary alogrithim to calculate earnings and swears up and down it has nothing to do with ad value, so who knows?

So my earnings so far:

1st 2 weeks: $3.69

1st full month: $13 @ 4 times previous earnings

2nd full month $25 roughly double the previous month and @ 8 times earnings my first 2 weeks so the growth has been exponential.

1 contest win: $100

Total eHow earnings for 2.5 months: @$140 or 1.5 months worth of diapers.

The goal is to reliably pull in $100 a month from eHow and I think I'm on track to meet that goal. I'd like to get to where I don't have to work quite so frantically to get content up.

I HAVE A HEADACHE, SO LET'S BLOG

2009-06-29T18:14:00.000-07:00

In random order:

1. I have a close relative that is MIA in a foreign country. He got sick, went to the doc, and they said he couldn't fly so his coworkers left him behind. Sick. In a foreign country. That qualifies as a bad employer I think. Last we heard he was supposed to be on a plane yesterday, but no one has heard from him in almost 2 days. He should be home now, but he's not. He's not at his hotel. We have no idea where he is or how he's doing. I hope he's okay. Good thoughts would be appreciated. I like this relative. :(

2.The babeola is cranky again. But we've graduated from headbanging to screeching. I'm not sure which I dislike more.

3. I do have a headache. A sleep deprivation one. I should be working (always with the work, I know!) but I'm just too pooped. I'm going to go to bed early.

4. I got a book light for my bday. Anymore the only time I take to slow down and read a book is when we take roadtrips. I power up the DVD player for the babeola and read. I love it, but needed a better booklight. Which I now have. Because my husband loves me : ).

5. I made $18 so far in June on eHow. That's an increase of $5 over last month. I'm not getting rich, but I am making money so I am going to continue. I have 44 articles and would like to get to 100. Then 200 etc...

6.I am working on more niche blogs. I'm learning the hard way, making all sorts of mistakes, but hopefully this will pan out.

7. The babeola has been trying to read. She doesn't know her letters, but she realizes they are readable. So she tries to read. I am amazed by this, although I was an early and precocious reader so I guess I should not be shocked.

8. I overheard her singing the ABC song to herself in her crib. Super cute!

9. I have managed to make dental floss forbidden fruit and irresistible. The babeola watches me floss all the time and wants to imitate me. Whenever the baby gate is open, she sprints to the bathroom, opens the drawer and pulls out a mile of floss. Then she runs to her mirror and gnaws on the floss while watching herself with delight. So at least I have done one thing right as a mother; made dental hygiene cool.

Okay, I am going to bed. Tomorrow is another day, yes?

IF I DIE, WE WOULD SUE

2009-06-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

Meh. I should be working. But the babeola hasn't slept in about a week, meaning I haven't slept either. I am tired! I should also be calling Kasier and raising hell.

Because this shit where a doctor tells me I could have a heart problem or multiple pulmonary emboli and then turns me lose with a 'see you in a few months'? Is so not flying.

Do I think I have a heart problem or pulmonary embolus? No.

But it's irresponsible, if not negligent, for a physician to say that to a patient and then not coordinate any follow up care.

I was thinking I would just suck it up and keep trying to work with this nutjob, but it's unproductive and the doctor has lost all credibility with the latest round of shenanigans. And I think, at this point, Kaiser needs to know what has been going on. As well as our employer's benefits department and anyone else I can find.

Unforunately, the complaint letter I've written is 3 pages long and I keep trying to cut it down, but can't. I suspect because there really are that many problems with the care I've received from Kaiser Permanente.

In other news, yeah no sleep around here. I'm really dragging and today's my birthday. Forget cake or presents, I just want to go to bed.

FEDERAL TRADE COMMISSION TO REGULATE BLOGS

2009-06-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

A quickie to give you breaking news on major changes in the way we blog...

This is going to be getting a lot of buzz in the blog-o-sphere. Especially for mommy bloggers who make a living off their blogs.

On the one hand, if all the FTC is going to require is disclosure, that's fine, but if they start policing things beyond that, it will be a problem.

For the record, I don't have any affiliate links on this blog and I receive no compensation for anything I post here.

RELIEF, WORMS, MONTESSORI

2009-06-18T13:31:00.000-07:00

How does this mom spell RELIEF?

After calling the dog 'dipshit' in front of my mother's helper and then learning her parents swear all the time too.

No, I am not proud of my potty mouth and I do work hard to keep it clean, but well....our dog really is a dipshit. His indian name is 'pees on self' if that gives you any idea of how dipshitty he is.

**********************************************************************

I took the babeola strawberry picking today. Didn't quite anticipate exaclty how muddy it would be. I've done the u-pick thing before and it was never this messy.

Further, the babeola was indiscriminate and grazed like a hungry goat eating unripe, rotten, mud covered, and half-eaten-by-other-animals berries. Apparently swapping spit with bubonic plague carrying mice and flu infected birds who eat worms is yummy.

By the time we were done, we were both covered in mud and the Babeola had eaten most of what I picked, plus everything else she could get her mouth on.

We have the same problem with the cherry trees in our front yard. She eats 'em, pit and all. Ripe and unripe. Worm filled and rotten. They all taste good.

I thought I was being a 'crunchy momma' taking the babeola out to enjoy nature. Showing her where food comes and all that, but what I've actually done is teach her that anything found outside is edible.

So you can understand why I get a little nervous when I see her with rocks in her hands.

******************************************************************************
I've been thinking about doing some Montessori type activities. This is probably a bad impulse because I am probably the kind of mom who needs less structure and not more. Montessori is very structured in case you didn't know and we're already on a pretty strict schedule.

But I've only got one kid, which means I'm bored and trying to kill time. Moms of many I don't think have this dilemma, but since I can't produce siblings without $5k and a team of doctors putting their hands up my nethers...might as well do something.

Also, I need to make more of an effort to involve the babeola in household activities. I treated the strawberry stains on her clothes all by myself today and later realized I should've included her. Or next thing you know, she'll expect everything to be done for her by way of mommy magic.

From there, my mind leapt to Montessori. Although Montessori requires some effort to put together and I'm pretty lazy, plus swamped with work (I shouldn't even be here blogging) so we'll see what actually happens.

**************************************************************************

I have 5+ pounds so far doing low carb. Don't get excited. I've been here before. I will party at the 30 or 40 pound mark.

Low carb requires pristine adherence, one slip and *poof* all the weight comes back on. So I've got to keep up the good work.

Which must be why I'm making pasta salad and strawberry trifle for the pot luck tomorrow. (I hope you heard the sarcasm there.)

IRONY

2009-06-16T09:59:00.000-07:00

I can't watch Sesame Street without snorting when they have stars from Sex and the City on the show. They manage to keep a straight face as if the obvious subtext hadn't occurred to them as...

Sarah Jessica Parker defines the word sigh.

Kim Cattrall breathlessly coos about the word fabulous.

I keep waiting for them to tell the babeola how orgasms are just fabuolous, sigh.

As for the whole evil corporations conning us into eating poision thing, the Environmental Working Group is sponsoring a call campaign. And here's the original story as reported by the mainstream media.

And that's all I have time for. I am off to the doctor as my 'not asthma' is wildly out of control. Lucky me.

MOMMIES UNITE

2009-06-14T09:34:00.000-07:00

We had a lovely BBQ last night. Soooo much fun and the babeola ended up being adorable despite channeling demons all day with a stubborn refusal to nap. Fortunately, we managed to tease an hour of sleep out of her so her head stopped rotating a la Linda Blair just in time for our first guests to arrive.

Anyway, I'm going to bungle the exact numbers because I forgot to write them down, but, according to the Today Show, who interviewed some blogger expert, there are double digit millions of moms online. On Facebook. Blogging. Tweeting. Moms are social media mavens.

E-Moms are a force to be reckoned with.

Piss us off and we will ruin your ad campaign-- remember the whole Motrin debacle? However, we have yet to pull together and demand fair wages, improved maternity AND paternity leave or anything else that materially benefits our lives and the futures of our children. I watched the Motrin ad hoopla and, while a lot of the mommy bloggers were whooping 'we are woman, here us roar,' I remained unimpressed. Because we hadn't actually achieved anything.

Sure mommies got the ad pulled, but so what? Did that really help women or families economically or socially? No. And this ineffective use of power is what causes me the most angst. For the first time in history, women can instantly connect and coalesce into powerful groups and what do we do? We decant that power, wasting it on superficial ad campaigns and then declare it a victory.

When are women going to get their shit together? Next time, can we not care about that ad and instead organize a boycott until corporate policies favor families and extend maternity/paternity leave benefits?

Riddle me this...What do you think would happen if mommy bloggers declared war on companies that don't adequately support breastfeeding moms? Or companies that make women work for 5 years before their maternity leaves are paid (which was my employer)? What if all double digit millions of us mommies, en masse, bought generic Advil until they met our demands? They would be shaking in their boots and, instead of hosting swag filled events for mommy bloggers, they would be making substantive changes to their corporate policies to keep us happy.

So... here's a chance to do something. A business lobby tried to recruit a pregnant woman to eat their chemical laden products and then agree to speak about how great it is to glow in the dark and give my baby diabetes! Obviously, women are up in arms over it and are blogging about it. It's worth reading, if not writing a few letters.

BABY BABEOLA

2009-06-11T08:53:00.000-07:00

I need to do a babeola update before I forget all the adorable stuff she's done.

We've added 'want this' to the vocabulary which is warbled continuously until all demands are met. She also oinked like a pig for the first time (and has not done it since, but it was to. die. for. cuteness). She says horsie and tried to neigh. What's this. Go outside. Dance (which is more of a command and woe to anyone who disobeys).

I sat with her and read a book the other day asking 'What's this?' and she would answer 'a chair' 'a potty' 'a ball' etc... Soooooo smart.

Gosh, I know I'm forgetting something. Hmm. Maybe it will come to me. Oh, yes, a new good memory. The husband and I piled onto our couch to lay down. We didn't quite fit, but were too lazy to care. The babeola hauled herself up to join us with her lovey and we all cuddled for the longest time. It was nice. And the babeola was so stinking cute with they way she held her lovey between her feet--don't know where she got that from!

We're trying to learn about matching and I bought a 'game' based on the Goodnight Moon book. She understands the concept but doesn't visually discriminate very well yet. Also, the game kind of sucks.

She'll play forever outside in one spot so long as we allow the faucet to drip. Yesterday, we harvested cherries from our cherry tree and I foolishly gave her a bite. Next thing I knew, she'd stuffed one in her mouth and eaten it, pit and all. Yikes. My anal retentive safety consciousness about gave me a heart attack.

This morning she managed to put on her shoes all by herself. They were on the wrong feet and not fastened, but I was still impressed. If I take off her dipey to let her air out, she runs and sits on the potty so maybe we are making minor progress on the future potty training front????

Basically, she's pretty damn cute if I do say so myself.

We still have temper issues and head smacking problems here and there, but--knock on wood--it hasn't been quite as intense.I've also caught her doing what I call 'performance pieces' which are tantrums for mommy's benefit. Little manipulator! Sleep has kind of gone downhill with the Babeola waking up before 7am and not napping very well. But my energy has been up so it hasn't hurt as much as it usually does.

So, my next post, _I think_ will be a rant about fat and doctors so prepare yourselves! Deep breathing isn't cutting it.

WOW--SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES

2009-06-10T07:24:00.000-07:00

ETA: I forgot! I'm on internet radio tonight. Yes, I was interviewed and no, it has nothing to do with my lame-o blog. I was a founding member of a writing group that has yielded two writers with multi-book deals and we were all interviewed to talk about writing and being geeks. If you are a geek or ardent fantasy/sci fi reader, you might be interested in listening. I'll be on at 8pm EST on NNR radio.

Have you heard about the mommy blogger who had her photos stolen and used for advertising in Europe? And the friend who just happened to be on vacation at the right time in the right place to see it, photograph it and let the mommy blogger know? Wow.

I'm going to have to rethink how I use photos online or definitely put a watermark on them. Yowza. Nothing is safe on the web. Nothing. And it doesn't really matter if the law is on your side since pursuing a lawsuit would cost more money than most people have, especially in this economy. I used to deal with international stuff and even a $250,000 loss wasn't enough for the corporate legal folks to consider a law suit.

Anyway, I stopped some of my meds and promptly felt awful enough that I decided it wasn't worth it. We're just going to have to switch insurance next year and pay through the nose so I can see my usual pulmonologist, who is not insane.

As I mentioned, if I have to, I'll order meds from overseas and just pay out of pocket to go back to my pulmonologist.

(Well, first I'll finish out this go round with Kaiser Permanente on the off chance that the allergist took their meds and has reconsidered what the voices tell them. Who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky and their delusions will keep me on the same meds, which is concession enough to limp me through the rest of the year.)

I'm also tracking down the methacholine challenge that was positive and I'll keep a copy or possibly tattoo it on my chest just to be efficient. Plus I did some medical digging and probably wasn't off my medication long enough for it to leave my system (I missed some instructions from Kaiser and their instructions were not standard anyway--everyone else does it differently but Kaiser cuts corners), which would explain a false negative.

IT AIN'T EASY BEING GREEN

2009-06-04T12:40:00.000-07:00

I'm still pushing for environmental consciousness. Not getting anywhere fast though.

I emailed Blogher and Gymboree regarding their Sustainability Policies (as in, did they have one and if not, why?). Never heard back from them. In case you were wondering, Swiffer is one of Blogher's sponsors and isn't exactly saving the environment--reusable microfiber dust cloths are a better option.

I did 'win' a writing contest that put an article I wrote about not watering lawns on the front page of a multi-national website. I won $50 as well. So that was nice, but not exactly earth shattering.

The problem is I am BUSY and don't have a lot of time for activism--tantrum management is a 100 hour a week job. I am tired out, people. And there was the month of sick that would not end and now I am sick again (Hubby brought home a cold from a weekend getaway with his equally hockey obsessed buddies).

But I continue to persevere however I can.

And that is all the time I have to blog, as I smell a certain odor in the air signaling it is time for a diaper change. Possibly an outfit change as well. Wish me luck.

TANTRUM INSIGHT AND A NOTE ON MEAL PLANNING

2009-06-01T11:28:00.000-07:00

I did have one epiphany the other day... The babeola gets angry when she gets hurt, which is what my husband does. He bumps his elbow and next thing I know he's on the war path. Me, I get sad and want comfort when I get hurt.

So this explains at least one aspect of the tantrum difficulties we're having-- the babeola is creating a positive feedback loop by hurting herself during tantrums, which makes it hard to calm her down. I also watched her attack a dresser with her head after I accidentally pinched her finger in the drawer--the tantrum just escalated from there and I spent literally hours trying to stave off a nuclear meltdown.

We've had several lovely days with only three head smacking incidents, all of which were minor and easily redirected. The babeola has just been so freaking cute lately with lots of talking, I'm almost convinced I can handle another baby (which is pretty huge as, to date, I've been so overwhelmed with the babeola, having another kid sounded about as much fun as being a hostage to terrorists).

We also had our first real peer interaction with another little bean about a week younger than the babeola. This bean is at the low end of the growth charts whereas the babeola left those behind at around 5 months. So it was a bit like watching her play with her own personal mini-me. They were very adorable together and it was the first time I was able to really compare and contrast the babeola with kids of her age group.

Which was interesting. I don't really know what to think or say other than the babeola was running developmental circles around the other toddler. It made me feel as if maybe I am doing right by the babeola, except I suspect I have absolutely nothing to do with it, it's all her.

Anyway, I just wanted to make a note of the meal planning I did this week, because it worked out so marvelously well and kept me out of the kitchen about 90% of the time. And who wouldn't want to memorialize what they did to make homemade meals without all the drudgery of cooking in a hot kitchen?

I had the husband grill a bunch of kielbasa and some marinated chicken. From that we reheated the kielbasa for breakfast (we are E. European, kielbasa is a food group) and then had dinner one day pairing it with locally sourced asparagus. The chicken I used a day later to make a salad with goat cheese, dried cherries, pecans and balsamic dressing. The lettuce was also locally grown, picked minutes before I bought it and we're still eating it almost a week later--it's still amazingly fresh. We also had lunch meat on hand to make quick sandwiches, which I kept low glycemic by eating between lettuce leaves instead of bread.

Then I threw some frozen chicken breasts (with bone) in the crock pot, topped with water and spices. When it was done, I deboned the chicken and made; chicken divan, green bean casserole with shredded chicken, and chicken salad for sandwiches. This will carry us through until Thursday-ish I think. Although it's not exactly low sodium, but I didn't say it was healthy meal planning!

Plus, my mom is visiting and making a turkey meatball chicken soup with the stock from the slow cooker. So we are awash in food with a minimum of cooking. I am pleased!

HEAD BANGING

2009-05-29T08:20:00.000-07:00

I'm not dead. I know it looks like I am because goodness knows I never blog, but this Real Life stuff keeps happening.

Busy, busy, busy. I still haven't found any work-life balance. But I did win $50 in a writing contest. Which is like 1 case of diapers so that's nothing to sneeze at.

The babeola is inching closer to talking while scaring the bejeesus out of me with horrific tantrums. Where are the auditions for Extreme Tantrum? Because my babeloa is a star in the making. She actually has a bruise on her forehead from purposely smacking her head on hard surfaces. We daily live in danger of having our noses broken by an errant head butt. The other day I thought she was leaning in to cuddle only to yelp in pain when she smashed her head into my knee.

If I say no to her or express displeasure with something she does, she immediately looks for a place to smack her head. This self-harming behavior is distressing to say the least. I've tried ignoring it, but then read that's not a good idea so now I run around trying to keep her from hurting herself and failing miserably.

The tantrums last a long time too. Hours on some days. You've heard of interval training in exercise? The babeola interval tantrums, maintaining a steady state mild tantrum that spikes to extremes. This is either proof of me being a bad parent--which really, what kind of crappy mom am I that I can't figure this tantrum stuff out?-- or a testament to the babeola's strength of will. Or both.

Regardless, I am tired of feeling like a crappy mom and the incessant checking to be sure the babeola's pupils are the same size to rule out head trauma.

Thoughts? Advice?

FROM GARBAGE RISES THE PHOENIX

2009-05-21T08:45:00.000-07:00

Around 7 years ago, we picked an old school desk out of the garbage with the intent we would use it for our kids someday. We didn't know yet that we were infertile or the heartache that awaited us as we strived for a family. We were innocent and blissfully ignorant.

The desk sat and sat and sat in our garage becoming a painful symbol of everything we thought we'd never have. Yet we never threw it out. Never even thought about it.

Last week my husband finished refinishing the desk and brought it home for the babeola. Somehow the circle finally feels complete.

IS THAT WHY ELMO IS RED?

2009-05-19T13:55:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or am I the only one who noticed that, on the Elmo potty training DVD, Elmo wears a shirt, Elmo's Dad wears a shirt, but Elmo's Mom is topless.

What is up with that?

And did you ever notice that none of the kids on Syd the Science Kid have eyelashes? They probably all have a heavy Visine habit.

As for food, this is disgusting, but essential information. Do you know what red food dye is made from? Do you??? It's all natural, which is NOT a plus in this case.

Red food dye is made from bugs. Scaly bugs that look a bit like potato bugs. Think about that the next time you slurp a maraschino cherry off its stem.

Which brings us back to the title, are the bugs the reason why Elmo is red?

Could be since the bugs are also used to make textile dyes.

I am SO grossed out.

MONDAY

2009-05-18T09:51:00.000-07:00

The babeola was crying revelry at 6 am this morning. Ugh. And she has just taken the shortest nap in a long time. Double Ugh.

I still managed to accomplish something today though...

--Ran the dishwasher
--Scrubbed crayon off the living room walls
--Ran a load of laundry
--Spit polished 5 articles and sent them off (cross your fingers for a happy client.)

And just when I was getting ready to kick back and indulge in some me time, guess who wakes up? Sigh.

I also checked my ad revenue share articles and found I'm up to $8. I think I was less than $5 last time I posted? I was happy with the $8 up until I learned about someone who is at $30 in less than a month.

I wonder what I'm doing wrong?

Oh, and I found out a lot of people are making $1000+ a month doing web content writing for the same site I work with. I'd like to know where they find the time? I am so busy with the babeola, it's all I can do to crank out $100 worth of web content a week (and I'm not even trying this week because I have too much going on). Plus, how do they write so fast anyway? Maybe I'm doing too much research? Then again, I also pick stuff I don't know anything about, but that I know I can research so maybe that's why I'm the turtle?

I don't know! I hope I figure out how this all works at some point!

By the way Parent Juice is getting really good traffic so far, more than 100 hits in three days. Thanks for checking it out, I hope you liked what you saw (Did you see the toilet paper thing with the Bangles Walk Like An Egyptian video? I was kind of proud of that--brings back memories.).

OPEN FOR BUSINESS

2009-05-15T17:54:00.000-07:00

This is my first niche blogging site...if you want to contribute, here are the contributor guidelines. Note that contributors are compensated.

WORKING MOM

2009-05-15T10:12:00.000-07:00

I took the babeola to the zoo today where she was enamored by a) other kids and b) a rock-like chunk of concrete. Lions, flamingos, and condors are just so not cool. Eh. I bought a year membership so maybe, with time, she'll notice something besides the masses and the concrete jungle.

In other news... freelance writing is an insane amount of work and it pays poorly. I'm feeling a little burned out and also looking at other, easier ways to make money online. Since I am not hot enough to do nudie type internt things, I'm hoping to start some monetized niche blogs. I also plan to continue with the ad revenue writing for a while until I am sure it is or is not profitable.

Ironically, one of the reasons why freelance writing pays so little is due to ad revenue sharing websites. That and people in India who provide online content for like a buck because, despite what the US Department of Education maintains, grammar and spelling are really not important. All that matters is whether or not someone clicks an ad.

I have 5 articles due on Monday and then I'm taking a break from up front pay work. One of the things that really bothers me about up front work is they want instant turnaround. I was looking at signing up with another content service, but they want 2500 words in 48 hours, which includes keyword research, topic research, product research, writing and editing. I sat down last night and roughly calculated how much free time I have each week and yo, I have like 20 hours of downtime a week, if I'm lucky. 20 hours in which I must tutor, do tutor paperwork, work out, run errands, blog, relax, and eat. For me to write 2500 words in 2 days is impossible, I can't handle that kind of deadline.

Well...if let the babeola watch TV all day, everyday and I stay up until midnight, I can get more work done. Except that really starts to run me down because I don't get to sleep until 1am and then the babeola is screaming morning revelry at 7am. Not to mention the brain frying TV addiction. So freelance writing is not the easy mom friendly solution it is cracked up to be. However, there is money to be made. If I can find a happy balance between deadlines and my ability to do the work, things might be good. Lately, the whole thing has just been stressing me out big time though.

I'm really crossing my fingers that the ad revenue share work pays off. Tons of people are supposedly making $500 a month or more. From what I understand (and I've read 3 books on the topic now) there's no reason I shouldn't be able to do it too. Plus, there are no deadlines.

My moles were all normal by the way. So yay for no cancer or pre-cancer. I am laughing though because Kaiser is so damn cheap they didn't shave my nape, just cut the mole off and slapped a bandaid over my hair. So the bandaid didn't stick well enough to cover the wounds and migrated as my hair and neck moved. One of my moles, they couldn't figure out how to bandage due to hair, so I got nothing.

I'm of the thinking Kaiser is lucky I didn't pick up an infection. I really do wonder at their business model. In the aggregate they may save money, but I question at what risk to patients.

Oh! And the Mother's Day epilogue. I got some perfume. Not wrapped. No card, but I think that's the best the husband could do given his obvious holiday disability. Christmas is a nightmare of a similar nature. Thankfully, the husband is pretty spectacular on non-holiday days and I think I'm just going to try and be grateful that holidays aren't that prevalent.

WAITING FOR GODOT TO TAKE A NAP

2009-05-11T09:28:00.000-07:00

The babeola is currently partying in her crib, babbling, tossing, turning and just in general having more fun than Paris Hilton in New York.

Me? I have a pounding headache and a cake hangover. Some people drink. I eat cake. And my body is not cake friendly so I have a carb overload at the moment.

Anyway, this will be existentially scattered, which I'm sure you've already realized. I had three moles removed for biopsy today.

In case you didn't know, I am holey moley girl. Moles a plenty and one came back pre-cancerous at the end of 2008--ahh the good old days when I had better health insurance--so it seemed like a good idea to test a few more today.

Happily, aside from meeting with an endocrinologist later this month, I am now pretty much established within the Kaiser Permanente network. I am hoping this means I never have to go back again. Especially now that they've cut me and made me bleed.

Use your sunscreen my chickadees. One with both UVA and UVB protection. It makes a difference.

Hey, I actually started this post to bitch about Mother's Day. So how about we get to it? Here's how M day has been to date...

While I was pregnant: "You don't count, you're not a mom yet." This after 4 years of infertility treatments. Ouch. Husband got in heaps of trouble that year. Heaps. He'll never live it down in fact.

After the babeola was born: I had to help the husband find the card he'd bought because he lost it, then I had to remind him to sign it and give it to me. Lame.

This year: Nothing, which we were too busy running around and making the babeola cute for great-grandma for me to really notice. Plus, guess what? I'm allergic to shell fish. Or cats. Something to where I was taking Benadryl to relieve the buzzy itching in my lips.

Sooooooo the upshot of this recap is, where do we sign up for there the remedial 'How to not be a jerk on Mother's Day' class, also sometimes known as the 'Where to buy Mother's Day cards and pens with which to sign them'? Because I think someone needs to go.

Although I'm mostly laughing. Because the irony of working so damn hard for motherhood only to be not just ignored, but summarily dismissed on the big M Day is kind of funny.

Kind of.

If I squint.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

2009-05-09T04:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day. I hope all the mommas enjoy their day and my thoughts are with all the mommas-to-be struggling with infertility. That was me once and somehow, through much pain and sacrifice and not so great odds, my happy ending came. Don't give up.

We are going out of town for M Day to visit great grandma in the nursing home. She is over the moon with excitement so hopefully we will make her day.

The babeola is cute as always, but challenging. Very tempermental and she's learned to open the baby gate to to the kitchen which has been a huge pain in the ass. Lots of tantrums over being goose stepped back into the living room by her evil momma. I am such a horrid mother, what with the not sharing the knives or letting her hide in the dishwasher...the babeola will be calling CPS herself as soon as she can figure out how to work the phone.

Ad revenue income has gone from $4.70 to $5.70 which is a huge jump in just two days. I am pleased and continue to hope I've found a simple (for me at least) way to make income. The writing contracts are pretty loosey goosey and the companies can delete my content, cancel my account, or decide not to pay their writers at all, which makes me anxious.

BEFORE YOU CALL 911, PUT IN A BABY EINSTEIN DVD

2009-05-02T11:56:00.000-07:00

Calling 911 for an allergic reaction to antibiotic #2 is not my idea of a fun Friday night, but clearly, I have no control over the script of my little medical soap opera. I have never had an allergic reaction where I couldn't breath and I always have Benadryl in the house...except for last night. So I ask you...Got Benadryl? It's the only reason I'm not in the ER right now.

Possibly the only reason I'm alive.

About five minutes after I took the first dose, my tongue started to itch. Then I began clawing at my body, trying to rip off my clothes so I could scratch myself bloody. Recognizing it as an allergic reaction, I called the nurse line and asked what to do.

Since I was breathing okay and by then it had been twenty minutes, we figured we were safe sending my husband out to the drugstore for Benadryl. What we didn't know, and what the nurse failed to inform us, was that a severe allergic reaction can take up to 4 hours to manifest. It's not always immediate. Another thing that went unmentioned is hives on the face and chest almost always mean airway swelling will occur, although the severity is variable.

The nurse did tell me to take a bath in baking soda though. Every time I call the Kaiser Permanente nurse line they tell me to do something to my body with baking soda. It's like they have a fetish or own stock or something.

Anyway, while my husband was gone, I started having difficulty breathing. So I hung up on the nurse and called 911, somehow managing to simultaneously throw a DVD in for the babeola. This is probably the best metaphor for motherhood I can think of, you never again do anything without taking care of your kids, not even almost dying. You never come first again, even when maybe you should. (Not that I'm complaining, it's just the harderst part of the job to explain to non-moms.)

The babeola watched the DVD to the exclusion of all else. Paramedics invading my living room have nothing on Baby MacDonald. The husband got home with the Benadryl ahead of the ambulance so, thankfully, by the time EMS pulled into our driveway I was starting to breathe a little easier.

They checked me out. We debated if I should go to the hospital or not and settled on not. They left--the dvd had ended at this point so the babeola blew kisses and waved and was super cute.

Then my nasal airways promptly swelled shut.

But I still felt okay (surprisingly) and rolled with it, mouth breathing like a prank caller until midnight when I took another dose of Benadryl. By then, I could finally take a deep breath and breathe through my nose.

I had taken this antibiotic before with no problem. This really just hit out of the blue.

Today I'm going to the store and stocking up on Benadryl, both the liquid and the pill. It's easier to swallow a liquid when your throat is swelling shut, you know?

So mommas back to the original question, got Benadryl? Because I'm living proof no home should be without.

ABOUT THE WRITING (and some whining about the sick)

2009-04-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

As for what I'm writing...everything and anything. Medical stuff, business stuff, how to do stuff. I just completed a piece on the culture of a common food (can't say much due to a non-disclosure agreement) which had me delving into archeology, anthropology, history, and art. That one was a lot of work and I think I lost money with all the time I devoted to research.

I like the medical writing the best. I love anatomy and physiology and science. Plus, it appears I have that drug side effect narrator from the drug commercials in my head. The medical jargon just pours out of me effortlessly, like a native language.

I do both up front pay and ad revenue sharing gigs. The ad revenue is a slow build, but I am pleased to report 80% of my articles have earned money, which I think is fantastic given that I've only been writing for ad revenue for a week. I don't know how much I'll end up making overall, but I think I have potential to at least make $50 a month with ad revenue writing (although I'm aiming for and dream of being one of the writers who makes hundreds a month). Time will tell.

As for the sick... ugh. I think I need to go back to the doctor. Cue litany of swear words and mental picture of Yosemite Sam stomping on his hat and pounding his chest. I am annoyed beyond all words.

The babeola is talking up a storm. Yesterday she said duck, potty, what's that, and I would like some. Despite my slovenly ways, she exhibits a strong tendency toward order and cleanliness. She'll put toys away, throw out garbage, and try to organize the chaos we call a house. She's watching too much TV because I've been too sick to keep her busy. The weather is finally nice and I'm so bummed that we aren't able to take advantage of it because of this stupid sick.

And that's it. Cheers.

ONE THEORY PROVEN

2009-04-28T05:57:00.000-07:00

Hey remember when I lost my mojo to the flu and it never quite came back and I kind of wondered if something was festering? Well please give a warm welcome to my brand new Sinus Infection.

Good Lord what have I done to deserve this? I have been getting sick, being sick, or festering for a month. A month!!!!! Geez Louise. When will it end?

As for the crib, I found a rental business except they haven't responded to my email so we'll see. For the overnight, we'll get by with our recalled pack-n-play which is safe enough for a toddler even though the bar collapses. I wouldn't use it for an infant, but it's okay for a toddler if the collapsed side is against the wall.

For the week long trip we'll disassemble a crib and take it with us if we have to. We have to have something to corral her because we don't take naps and her bedtime is way earlier than we want to go to bed. Plus, I have a feeling the novelty of it all will rev her up.

I was made to sleep in really crappy places as a kid. On a linoleum floor, love seats that were too short, and a 3/4 bed (which I don't even get why they make those things, for 3/4 people?). I hated it as a child so I try not to do the same thing to my kid. Not to mention, the better she sleeps, the happier I am.

Which, by the way, hello 5am wake-up call after being up all night with sinus pain. Good thing Daddy's home to help out otherwise I would be a major momma bear today.

SPEED ROUND AND QUESTION

2009-04-27T05:11:00.000-07:00

I am swamped with freelance writing. Even had a nightmare about typos. And no I never really planned to make $$$ freelance writing, it just kind of happened. On the good side, I am making money right off the bat, on the down side I am working my ass off without having done any pre-planning or conscious organization of this brand new career. Seat of the pants is apparently my middle name.

The babeola has hit the 18 month sleep regression. Or rather, it has hit me like a brick wall. Currently, I am doing my damndest to ignore the 6 am wake up call that came shrieking out of the babeola this morning. I tossed her a bottle and some books and prayed for more sleep. Not happening, so here I am on blogger still trying to gather my strength so I can wake up already and face the fact that I am going to have to function on less than five hours of sleep. Again.

Anyway, until I figure out a work-life balance with the freelance writing, expect me to be scarce. I'm in the thick of the learning curve and it's taking all my concentration. I'll try to do short updates as I can.

OH! And MAJOR QUESTION....Would you invest in a full size travel crib. We are going to be travelling and staying in people's homes--homes without children--and need a place for the babeola to sleep. If you think we should pass on the full size travel crib (remember she's TALL hence the full size) how do you propose we handle sleeping? Pinning her to the bed like a WWF wrestler until she surrenders???

Here is some babeola cute for you...

ALIVE BUT NOT KICKING

2009-04-21T06:59:00.000-07:00

So I still haven't pulled myself up off the floor of the ring after this last round of sick. I just have zero energy and I don't know why. In theory, I am no longer sick although my energy slump has me wondering if something might be festering in my lungs and it just hasn't hit me yet? I don't know.

Anyway, I thought I would do a blog post to let y'all know I'm alive.

My other writing buddy sold two books to Juno that will come out in 2010. I'll post more details when I have them, but Way To Go!!! I started our little writing group 5?6? years ago when we all met at a convention. Since then we have been diligently supporting each other and now look, two members with multibook deals. That is awesome!

Now if I could just get my writing back on track maybe I could sell a book or three as well. Urgh. Need more time.

The freelance writing gig is going okay. I had hoped for steady income, but I think they are going to pull the old 'revenue sharing' switcheroo on me where upfront payment is replaced by .0000000001% of ad revenue. Which sucks.

Tutoring is not going well. Another student was let go for chronic no shows but has not been replaced so I'm out that money. One student is brilliant but hasn't grasped the difference between being smart and actual ly knowing something. This student argues with me constantly and everything they do wrong is my fault. At least I'm getting some experience with unruly teenagers.

And that's it.

DISCIPLINE WITH FEVER

2009-04-09T17:03:00.000-07:00

I am still sick. Now I have a fever and chills. Tomorrow back to the doctor, unless the fever breaks and by some miracle I feel perfect. What are the odds of another kidney infection? In the same kidney? And if that really happens, why do I always win those odds and not the lottery?

However, I wanted to talk about discipline for a moment just to help flesh out some of my ideas about the topic. I am not a fan of making children eat soap or hot sauce or vinegar. Or spanking. Or locking children in their rooms. I feel these are coercive techniques that address transient behavior at the expense of permanent character development.

I was spanked as a child, up until I became smarter and faster than my parents.Sure spanking formed my character, but not in ways that incentivized me to behave. Instead I became sneaky. My parents finally put up the yardstick when I was 6 after I gave my mother a merry chase and then successfully hid until she couldn't find me. Kudos to them for abandoning something that was obviously not working and not continuing the power struggle.

As for children who don't extrapolate corporeal discipline into sneakiness, they tend to become compliant because they fear the pain. Yet I would argue that the job of a parent is not to create adults who follow the rules because they worry about getting caught, simply because it sets up a corollary where, if they are pretty sure they won't get caught, they do what they want.

If mom isn't there to force hot sauce onto their children's tongues, do kids behave? I would say, probably not.

The goal is to instill character in my children, not coerce compliance through domination and I personally (as well as many parenting experts) don't think corporeal punishment yields the results I'm looking for. I want them to behave even when I'm not looking, and that can only be done with fostering strong independent character.

I didn't give much thought to discipline before becoming a parent. It took me so long to get pregnant and that journey was so precarious, I didn't ever think much beyond pregnancy. I assumed I would use time outs and then I began reading books like Unconditional Parenting, which is an evidence based approach to what helps and what hurts. It's everything you've never heard about parenting.

An example from my own parenting: First a set up...There is an extreme form of operant conditioning propogated by a fundamentalist Christian couple name the Pearls. According to this philosophy, at five months you can start smacking your baby when they do something you don't like. This inhibits undesirable behavior via a pavolovian aversion to pain. You aren't supposed to ever act in anger, but their methodology has resulted in many allegations of abuse.

While most people don't subscribe to this type of discipline, it is similar in effect to things like hot sauce in that domination and pain are used to control behavior. When the babeola started grabbing at my jewelery and glasses around five months of age, per the Pearls, I should've smacked her. Instead, I took my hand and modeled gentle on her face, doing and saying the word. It was frustrating and annoying and required almost endless repetition, but, by 9 or 10 months, the babeola demonstrated understanding of and compliance with the word gentle.

This illustrates why I am not a fan of things like washing mouths out with soap. It teaches a very superficial lesson that, depending on the child, can be expressed many different ways. A few examples...

--I have no control/power
--I have to fight for control/power
--The adults in my life overpower me, I don't matter.

But emphasizing the concept gentle begins the process of teaching the babeola how to treat people without diminishing her own power in the world.

Now with all that being said, I bet you dollars to donuts, the babeola will have a time out at some point. There has already been one day where she 'took a break' in her crib because momma was about to lose it! I am sure I will fail all the time and make enormous mistakes. We are all just doing the best we can so I do not mean to pass judgement in any way, but I think this is the kind of stuff worth learning more about.

You can read a large swath of the UP book here, the link takes you to the time out section which I thought was a revelation.

THE OFFICIAL POOP SCALE

2009-04-06T03:00:00.000-07:00

"Babeola took an epic dump today," my husband announced upon my return from an outing.

"Hmmm. She's wearing the same outfit. That's not epic."

"Well it was horrible."

"No, horrible requires an outfit change."

Big sigh of aggravation. "Who died and made you the queen of poop?"

"Poop: It's my job."

For the record:

Epic poop: Clothing change, washing of bed linens, and bath. Oh, and parent is slimed with poo at some point.

Horrible poop: Clothing change.

Terrible poop: Smelly but contained.

My husband was complaining about a terrible poop. He has No Idea.

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS WITH A SIDE OF HUGH JACKMAN

2009-04-05T09:01:00.000-07:00

The babeola is sick. Poor bambina. She's always miserable at the start of a cold.

I haven't slept in 2 days and ended up in the ER last night. I am the grand prize winner of a urinary tract infection (UTI). I'm glad I went in, despite feeling very silly about it, as I didn't think I had an infection, but something else. Except I didn't have the something else.

When I was 20 I had a 'super infection', a UTI that was resistant to antibiotics and migrated to my kidney where it so perfectly mimicked appendicitis, I had surgery. It was only after they saw my appendix was fine that they figured out it was my kidney. I spent about 3 days in the hospital on IV antibiotics (and promptly got mono, but that's another story).

And last night I started to have some kidney pain reminiscent of that infection. It was even the same kidney.

So it's probably a good thing I didn't wait until Monday, but I hate going to the ER*. I've probably had 15-20 ER visits so far in my life, mostly for asthma, and I've had some bad experiences so I work really hard to avoid going in. And I've read all the med bloggers and know there is nothing they hate more than a 'look at my nether regions' patient. Especially when that patient is nowhere near as hot as Anne Hathaway or Paris Hilton. Hey, I'm not exactly thrilled either. Flashing my nether regions to strangers is not my idea of a good time. And news flash, a lot of the docs do not look like Hugh Jackman (whom I adore and have met and would totally strip for).

Anyway, I'm tired and reduced to whining on my blog about my bladder, which is not how I wanted to spend my weekend. I bet you didn't want to read about it either in which case I redirect you to the fact that I met the super hot stud Hugh Jackman. I even have his autograph somewhere. Here's a pic to help scrub your brain of any unfortunate residue related to this post.

*I suppose I should clarify for anyone who might fume about me wasting emergency resources that I was actually at Urgent Care...which was in the ER. Making it a defacto ER visit. I tried to avoid the ER I really did.

MISSING DADDY, MISSING BABY, MOMMY'S IN HEAVEN

2009-04-03T09:17:00.000-07:00

Daddy is back! A day early! AND they gave him a comp day today so we get a three day weekend! YAY! (Currently, both daddy and the babeola are napping so I decided to take advantage of the free time to post.)

I thought the babola would freak when he came home, but she was pretty mellow and didn't seem to notice she'd been abandoned. She was a bit standoffish at first, but quickly warmed up to her favorite playmate. I guess she saves the tears for when Mommy dares to leave the house without her. Whenever I come home it's full blown hysterics.

Or maybe she is hoping I won't come back?!?

The husband missed a few firsts this week as follows;

1.The babeola now turns in circles when she dances.

2.She 'dusts' just like momma does.

3.She said 'birdie' a few times, context appropriate.

4.She learned how to do 'ring around the rosy' with the neighbor girls.

5.She started signing 'I love you'.

6.She started drinking from a cup--just a little bit. I use kefir which is a yogurt drink that is thick and slow moving.

7.She took an epic dump that went from her dupa up to her hair line. I had to cut crusted poop out of her hair. Not exactly what I had planned on for a first haircut. Daddy is happy he missed that diaper.

Yesterday, she sat in my lap and banged away on her xylophone, pausing every once in a while to turn and give me a smooch. I know it's not a first, but it was so freaking adorable I'm pretty sure I'm writing this post from heaven.

I did okay as a single mom. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be either. I didn't have much help. The neighbor girls came by three afternoons, which isn't really a break for me as they need my help so it's more of something to do.

The worst part was the dogs really acted up. I don't know if they felt like they had to guard the house since the 'pack leader' wasn't home or what, but they were barking and being really obnoxious at night. They actually kept me up several nights and I had to finally separate them and shut them away at night since free roam of the house led to barking and growling and whining in the wee hours. They were perfect last night, now that the pack leader is back.

It is good to have Daddy home!

DO THEY DEPROGRAM HOMESCHOOLED KIDS?

2009-04-01T10:02:00.000-07:00

I want to homeschool. I really do. Judging from people's reactions to homeschooling though, you would think I've signed up to join a suicide cult.

The biggest refrain I hear is 'what about socialization?'

You mean the paragon of socialization is the ability to sit at a desk all day, stand in a line, be quiet and not piss off the teacher or be bullied by your peers? Or did I miss something in school? I mean, yes, we learn about friendship in school, but you don't have to be in school to make friends.

I don't know. These kids I tutor, I see how the school system is failing them. And I now realize how the school system failed me-- a gifted kid with learning disabilities who took junior level college classes at 16 (I tested out of the lower levels), but who also limped through algebra with Ds due to dyscalculia. I don't want that extreme dichotomy for my daughter. If she is anything like me (inquisitive to the nth degree and bad at math) she will thrive with homeschooling.

If she doesn't like it, I'll send her to school, but I think I can teach her better. I'm sold on individual attention. You can't hide from learning when it's one-on-one, but in a group you can. The same way I read under my desk at the expense of learning how to subtract in the second grade.

I guess becoming a parent has really amped up my non-conformist streak. If you had asked me two years ago to consider homeschooling, I would have thought you were crazy and now look at me.

HUGE PUBLIC RELATIONS FAIL

2009-03-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

So the dishwasher seems to be working. For the moment. Maybe whatever the repairman did was enough. Or perhaps it was my threat of sledgehammer in its nether regions.

Which I would totally do.

Because I have inanimate object rage.

It's a personal failing that does not yet have therapy.

True story: The husband and I once saved a desktop that had royally ticked us off--what with the failure to work and costing over $1000 to purchase nevermind the $500 in repairs that didn't work--in order to dangle it from a tree limb and beat it like a pinata. We never did it, but were serious enough about the plan to hang onto the burned out hard drive for almost a year before we realized we were too lazy to take our revenge.

We are losers.

To illustrate that point beautifully...

The newspaper interview came out and UGH! They edited it down to like one sentence per question and used the worst picture, completely ignoring the nice one of me and the babeola. I failed to get my eco-blog mentioned so there is no chance of the interview spurring ongoing interest. I totally blew it.

If you were worried I was about to become too famous to know you, worry no more.

I need a PR class. A free one because I have to save all my money for the stupid dishwasher ere it break again.

In other news, I am a single mother this week. The husband who NEVER travels for work, is gone all week. I am just praying I still have all my fingers when he gets home because the babeola bites like a bulimic piranha jonesing for a good binge. Don't piss her off, you won't come out the other side with all your limbs intact.

Oh, and smooches to the beautiful Jenners for making me a featured blog. It's nice to be recognized and her kind words made my week.

And I read book 2 of my writing buddy's trilogy and squeeeee! I am a total fangrrl right now. She is rocking the urban fantasy genre. The first book is available for pre-order on Amazon.com. I believe the super fabulous Tanya Huff gave a blurb for the cover. Here's the cover...

MULTIPLE MURPHY'S LAWS

2009-03-27T07:12:00.000-07:00

1. Children will only sleep in on days parents can't.

2. Goods purchased under the influence of sleep deprivation will suck a**.

To Wit the following Evidence:

The babeola is routinely up at 7am, except for today when she slept past 8. Meaning I slept past 8 and almost missed the dishwasher repairman.

I actually had to wake her sorry dupa up. That hasn't happened since...never.

Now, why can't she sleep like that on days when *I* don't have to be up?

And the dishwasher...I hate that thing. Our old one broke just as I returned to work (before I decided to stay home), still nursing and having to pump. Meaning, the dishwasher was as essential as air. Given that when I was home, I was stuck topless in a chair with the roto rooter, the husband selected and bought a new dishwasher.

We hadn't slept in something like 4 months so you could say our judgement was off.

We got a $700 LG model that had problems from day one. Yet did we ever call LG? Of course not! To our befuddled brains, we just needed to tweak the hoses. Or kill a chicken under a full moon. Something, anything but call the manufacturer and oh, I don't know, invoke the warranty? What kind of people do you think we are? Sane, responsible adults?

The mechanical problems were fluid. The thing would work for weeks and then refuse to do anything for a day. So we just kind of dealt with it and muddled through. (Which also happens to be our parenting philosophy.)

But I hated it and still hate it. It has a tendency to not clean the dishes so well and just whirl food particles around. Where the chicken will end up no one knows! But definitely not down the drain. No. Can't have that! That would be, you know, actual dish cleaning.

Further, there is no way to turn off the dry cycle and conserve energy with the result that we are sucking more than our fair share of the earth's resources.

The repairman confirmed my suspicions by telling me the cheap dishwasher models do a better job of cleaning dishes. That and he advised we should always buy the extended warranty. Always.

Because, guess what? Our warranty has expired and it will cost us about $350 to repair the *$&%*R@(%$(*&*@ thing.

Meaning, I will be in the kitchen washing dishes by hand.

It's kind of ironic to remember that when we moved into our house, it had an original 1950s two ton steel dishwasher...that didn't work and was used as a breadbox.

Anyone need a $700 breadbox?

WHY I WISH THERE WAS A CAMERA CHIP IN MY BRAIN

2009-03-26T02:54:00.000-07:00

#1 At music class the babeola was exposing her 'Buddha Belly' when one of the other toddlers came over and inserted a finger in her belly button with a rich, deep sigh of satisfaction.

Funniest thing I have ever seen in my life.

#2 The babeola, like many littles, is terrified of the vacuum cleaner. If I vacuum when she's awake, I have to hold her while I vacuum. She sobs the whole time and I end up yelling comforting things at the top of my lungs to reassure her (not sure how well that works). Today I spilled some Tylenol capsules and, in a panic to clean them up before the dogs got to them, I ended up using the vacuum.

And then figured, what the hell, I'll vacuum the living room too. So I left it plugged in and set it in the living room while I tended to something else that couldn't wait. The babeola went over to 'explore' and accidentally turned it on.

Next thing I knew, she was barreling down on me like a semi without brakes, our black lab hot on her heels. Both had looks of abject terror on their faces and required lots of hugs and reassurance (What can I say? My dog is a wuss).

I'm still laughing about it. I have never seen her run that fast.

TACTILE BOX PICTURES

2009-03-25T11:08:00.000-07:00

DON'T NAP, FIND JESUS

2009-03-23T10:05:00.000-07:00

Am I the only one who has problems with solicitors? Today a solicitor banged on my door until they woke the babeola up from her nap. I was furious and less than gracious.

Particularly when I saw it was not someone I had invited or someone I knew. Just someone who thought that because I was home, I was available at their convenience. Wanting to sell me windows or Jesus or lawn care or politics.

Grrrrr.

This has been an ongoing problem. I have signs on the front door and need to replace the ones on the side door. I have actually seen solicitors read the front door signs and then go to the side door (currently sign free) in an effort to circumvent the 'no soliciting' sign.

Since it is the babeola's naps that save my soul, I am really irate when someone screws that up. Thanks to solicitors, there was no nap today.

I HATE MY HAIR...OH, AND BY THE WAY I AM FAT

2009-03-22T14:43:00.000-07:00

Here are the photos we took today. Some are good, some are not. The really awful ones will be cremated and sent into space.

As it turns out, my skin is not the biggest problem.No. The biggest problem is I need a haircut and some humidity for my hair to curl instead of limply frizz. It would also help if I lost 50lbs (again) but eh, c'est la fat. Anyway, I am mostly happy with the head shots. At least we got something decent and in fewer frames than America's Next Top Model contestants. I think I know why the contestants haven't had a photo shoot with toddlers--it is impossible! I have dozens of pictures of screaming and flared nostrils with toddler boogies hanging like ripe fruit. I don't think Tyra could do better!

FACE SHOT

2009-03-21T16:57:00.000-07:00

I am being interviewed by the local paper re: the environmental stuff. Said interview includes a head shot and wouldn't you know, my skin is flaking like a snake shedding its skin and I have two huge cystic pimples on my chin which look a bit like a vampire aimed for the jugular and missed.

Come to find out, part of the skin issue is I screwed up my asthma medication although that doesn't explain the flaking. I've done some facials and what not and it's not helping yet. To make the humiliation complete, I'm attending an eco conference and trying to use make-up that I normally do not wear to keep people from worrying that my entire face is going to slough off. Ugh.

For the photo I'm planning to use the babeola as a shield to try and hide the worst of it. Too bad I can't carry her in front of my face at the conference.

Wish me luck.

DING, DONG, GONE

2009-03-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

Hi. Remember me? Yeah, I used to blog here.

See, some relatives came by and stayed and stayed and stayed. I had to be polite and pretend I had no idea what that laptop so conveniently set next to the couch was for. With the slinking innocence of a dog who just ate a shoe, I swore I had NO idea how to open it, let alone type anything.

Now they are gone. So I can be me again and Get It ON with the 'puter hot and heavy like I used to.

Except I have nothing new to report. Because I have no life. Or too much life. Or too much laundry.

Something.

Can you tell I'm in a bit of an irreverent mood today? Sleep deprivation will do that.The neighbor comes home every night at midnight, as reliable as a sunrise. The snick of the door shutting, the beep-beep of the car alarm, and the motion sensor light set to 'stun' and aimed directly into my room like an interrogation lamp are worse than a breastfeeding newborn during a growth spurt. Ugh. Thank you neighbor, but the insomnia does not need any help. I was not sleeping just fine on my own.

Houseguests stress me out.

Anyway...The babeola is growing up big and strong. Talking is going to be the next big thing around here. I know I will regret saying this as several people have warned me about toddler motor mouths, but I can't wait to hear what's in her head.

The husband and I went on a date and did the game version of environmental activism. We also went to a movie so horrible, we're trying to pretend it never happened.

Mothering is going well at the moment. I have managed to match activities with the babeola's abilities rather well lately. I made a 'tactile box' filled with uncooked rice, rocks, beads, feathers, and some spoons. We (husband and I) sit on the front porch and chat while the babeola practices scooping and runs the rice through her fingers.

Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go stuff my face with comfort food and try to relax.

VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF BLOGGING

2009-03-12T08:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry folks, today is a hodge podge. I'm just so busy and distracted by Real Life these days that I haven't had time to formulate anything about anything.

1. We went to our first Gymboree Art Class. Since they start each class with playdoh and playdoh is the babeola's 'precious' (picture Golem with The Ring) predictably there was a huge tantrum when it was time to say bye-bye to the playdoh. Then we did collage type stuff. Or rather, mommy did collage type stuff, the babeola alternately watched, tantrumed, and shredded paper. My only criticism of the class is there are a lot of transitions. We did something like 5 activities in 45 minutes. That's a lot of change and saying bye-bye to things we've just fallen in love with. The babeola wasn't the only one screaming.

2. I set the neighbor girls (our mother's helpers) up with watercolors and tried to get a painting session going. Unfortunately, the babeola spent most of the time trying to shove either end of her paintbrush up her nose. At what point does art click for toddlers? The babeola isn't into crayons. Playdoh is for clutching and guarding with her very life. Paintbrushes are just long booger wands. Urgh.

3.Continuing with the art theme, today I had some success with one of those paint with water books. The book is about 30 years old. It's from my (deceased) grandmother's teaching stash which my aunt passed on to me. I think she retired from teaching in the early 80s. So the colors are a bit faded. Grandma would be happy to see us using it though. One, she hated waste and two, she loved doing stuff like that with her grandkids. Despite arthritis, she was always on the floor playing with me.

I miss my Grandma.

4. I'm currently trying to figure out how to blow big, big bubbles. I want to make ginormous bubbles on the front lawn with the babeola on the next decent day we get. I bought some Gymboree bubble solution and it was not as good as everyone says it is. I'm now looking at homemade recipes.

5.I think the babeola was the youngest one in the art class, yet, due to her height, she looks the oldest. I noticed some calculating looks along the lines of 'what is wrong with that kid.' I had to resist the urge to randomly announce that she's only sixteen months. It's hard to be a giantess in training. Especially at this age when size is equated very strongly with age, behavior and ability.

6. As part of our effort to be Good Parents, we watched the Happiest Toddler on the Block DVD which espouses helping toddlers express their emotions. So that's what we do. "You were having fun with the playdoh and are sad it has to go bye-bye. You are sad. Mommy is sorry you are sad." It's supposed to work miracles, but not for us.The babeola is not impressed. Clearly, she needs to watch the DVD.

THEY SAY THEY HAVE KID EVENTS, BUT ONLY WHEN ALL THE KIDS ARE ASLEEP

2009-03-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

I don't get how child events are scheduled. Every day care I spoke to when I was still working had set nap time for toddlers starting around 11:30 or noon and lasting 2-3 hours.

If this is the 'institutional norm' for nap time WHY are all child events scheduled precisely at that time? It's not like my child is unusual in being unavailabe from 11 to 1 or 2. When exactly do event planners think kids are sleeping? Or is it that they actually want cranky and annoyed tyrants running loose through their facility biting at will and refusing to share?

We are at a stage where the babeola is bored at home. She's going through an intense motor go-go-go phase and, just in case we weren't having enough fun, she is teething which makes her edgy. The only solution? I have to keep us busy outside of the house. Since all the kid events are during her nap time, I'm stuck going from one store to another and letting her run loose. With the result that I end up spending money I don't have on things I don't need because I like bright and shiny objects. Coincidentally, stores are full of the bright and shiny. Have you noticed that? Yeah, that serendipity is crazy.

So I signed us up for Gymboree making my crossover to the mommy consumer dark side. I think all I need now is a soccer sticker on the minivan, some mom jeans, and a Katie Holmes bob.

On the one hand, the play gym is awesome. I want to play on it and am disappointed they didn't think to make the maximum weight limit 'mommy'. One the other hand, the brand brainwashing is over-the-top. To wit, one poster gives this recipe for fun:

One baby
One adorable Gymboree outfit
With a Gymboree play and learn class

The music also uses the word Gymboree liberally, like a whole shaker of salt in your eggs. They even pepper traditional rhymes and finger plays with Gymboree. Did you know the Old Duke of York loves Gymboree? It does kind of set my teeth on edge after an hour and I have to resist the urge to act like a sarcastic robot and chant 'Gymboree, Gymboree' over and over again. Note that this urge hit during our first class ever which says something, probably not good, about the Gymboree marketing plan.

But it keeps me out of the stores and the babeola has a wonderland of fantastic slides and climbing walls to explore. However, Gymboree is expensive* and we can't go everyday, so I'm still going to spend some time cruising the malls. I'm actually sitting down now and making a schedule, trying to pair up errands with the need to get the babeola out of the house. This week looks something like this...

Monday: Mall, Neighbor girls come over to play
Tuesday: Target (usually we have music class, but this is Spring Break week)
Wednesday: Gymboree Art, Neighbor girls come over to play
Thursday: Do a price check at a new grocery store, Gymboree open gym (free with membership)
Friday: Grocery shopping, Gymboree open gym (free with membership)
Saturday: Gymboree Play and learn with Daddy (leaving mommy to sleep in and lounge)

I know everyone says be careful what you wish for, but I am really looking forward to the babeola being more verbal and being able to keep her busy with at-home activities. In truth, I am a homebody and would happily nest all day, every day in the house. So this go-go-go stuff is killing me!

*We have hit the grandparents up for a Gymboree donation. Yes, I am shameless. I am panhandling for Gymboree.

OH! And unrelated to the topic, my writing buddy has her official website up. Go check it out if you have a chance.

HAPPY MY DAUGHTER IS A BAD KISSER

2009-03-06T17:06:00.000-08:00

The babeola is new to kissing and today, as we exchanged a few lip smacks, she lunged at me her pink, drool coated tongue aiming for my tonsils.

I am no longer worried about her dating because ewww! No one is going to want to make out with that!

Plus, she shoves cocoa butter up her nose. Except for when she's eating it. Or tantruming because someone put the lid on the jar.

That's all for now. I am super busy. Tons of stuff going on. Lots of chaos.

MOTHERING THE EARTH

2009-03-03T09:03:00.000-08:00

Poop. I have like two minutes to discuss a very important topic; climate change.

Wait! Don't click to the next blog! I know I'm a mommy blogger, but climate change is right up there with the stress and responsibility of potty training in my book.

Because my children's future isn't just about dry underwear and neither is it for your kids.

There's a climate change article making waves across the internet. New Scientist attempted to take a comprehensive look at how we're going to survive what's coming. The article is here. The climate change map is here (zoom out so you can see all the 'pins'. Click on the pins to read what will happen in each region.)

Hot weather never felt so chilling. Look at who will potentially be growing food on the map vs. who won't. Look at who will be providing energy vs. who won't. In the twilight of my lifetime and the prime of my daughter's the entire geopolitics of the world will change.In a hundred years it is likely that the US will no longer be the world's breadbasket. If we do not move forward with a green revolution and become green technology leaders, not only does the planet lose,but so does our nation.

The conversation, a very important one that I hope you will join, continues over at Crunchy Chicken.

ON THE UPSIDE...READING

2009-02-28T13:08:00.000-08:00

On the upside, I have one student hooked on the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. She is now getting in trouble for staying up too late to read. Another student has kicked me to the curb having improved so much they no longer need a tutor. Although I may be back for one of their siblings.

So it's not all doom and gloom. Thank goodness! I am helping.

AND exciting news! I just read an advance copy of my writing group buddy's first book due out in July this year from Juno and Pocket books. It's called Vicious Circle and it ROCKS. Full of steamy werewolves and vampires and magic and way too much chewy fantasy caramel goodness to cover in one sentence. Once the book is up on Amazon, I'll link to it so you can check it out.

Now, I am feeling inspired and think I'll sign off and maybe do some writing of my own.

Cheers.

HEART SICK

2009-02-26T08:03:00.000-08:00

I tutor one student who kills all the hope in my heart. After two weeks of missed sessions, someone actually answered the door when I knocked last night. I walked into a kitchen filled with the detritus of half eaten food and strewn garbage. The kitchen chairs had disappeared and there was too much junk on the table to consider using it to teach someone to read.

Stepping over the garbage with the lazy nonchalance only an adolescent can muster, my student led me to the living room, which was just as bad as the kitchen. Empty pop cans crowded the end tables flanked by sentinels of heavy drinking; beer and whiskey bottles. Cigarette butts littered the room like confetti and the stale smoke invaded my lungs. During our session, a Glade air freshener sprayed every thirty minutes, like a sigh of regret, in an effort to make everything smell like roses.

I perched on a wooden chair and my student threw himself on a slumped couch that had probably witnessed the premiere of Miami Vice in the 80s'. We used a broken kitchen chair as a table and over the next two hours, my student demonstrated an astonishing capacity to forget everything he had learned. More than a month of tutoring and he was stuck at a pre-primer reading level, still trapped by dyslexia and learned apathy.

He wants to go to college to major in wrestling. He has not picked up a book since...ever. The gaping canyon between these two facts feels insurmountable.

And then things got worse. The run-a-way sister breezes into the house with her boyfriend. In a back room, they have a loud discussion about baby names. She appears to have met her goal of not coming home until she was pregnant. She is sixteen.

"When is your sister due?" I asked.

"August."

"That must be exciting, " I said because what else do I say about a life that is doomed before its first breath?

At home, I stripped off my clothes and immediately threw them in the washing machine wishing I could wash off more than just the stench of cigarette smoke.

A LIST OF TODDLER ACTIVITES...AND DID YOU KNOW THE WORLD IS RUNNING OUT OF FOOD

2009-02-23T09:51:00.000-08:00

I have not tried any of these with the babeola, but I hope to in the future.

From The Toddler Busy Book by Trish Kuffner.

1.Ice Cube Bags- make some colored ice cubes with food coloring and put in a ziploc bag. Let kids play and watch as the colors melt and mix.

2.Where's Teddy? --Take yarn or string and attach to stuffed animal in a hidden spot. Make a trail with the string for your little one to follow.

3.Blanket Riding--Put baby on blanket and pull around room.

4.Snow Painting-- Fill spray bottles with food colored water and spray on snow

5.Rope fun--Lay out a piece of rope or yarn in a crazy pattern and walk on it like a balance beam

6.Wave Bottle-- Combine water (1/3 of bottle), baby oil (2/3 of bottle), food coloring, sequins or other interesting items in a water bottle. Seal shut with glue and shake to make waves.

7.Jungle Safari--Hide stuffed animals all over the house (keep a list) and go on a safari to hunt them down. For bonus fun, use a flashlight for looking in dark places.

Beyond filling my head with toddler entertainment ideas, I've undertaken a serious study of the state of food in the world, which, in case you didn't know, is a very sorry state. I've also been trying to plan an urban garden and somehow morph that activity into toddler entertainment as well.

This article about world agriculture is heavy denial-head-in-the-sand-inducing stuff, but, I think, really important to read and understand. All the source material is linked so you can read the research the article is based on for yourself.

Starvation...coming to a town near you in 2009.

As part of the whole Transition Town thing, I'm working on a community presentation about the state of world agriculture and its local impact and local solutions. So, now that the vomiting has subsided, I'm pretty busy.

BORED AND VOMITING WITH A SIDE OF BOOK REVIEW

2009-02-16T09:31:00.000-08:00

For some reason, I have been throwing up this morning which has triggered post-traumatic stress flashbacks to the stomach flu we had when the babeola was in daycare. That stomach flu gave me black eyes and bloodied my nose all 40+ times I threw up. Fortunately, I think today was a one-off type stomach flu.

Since, I'm finally over my cold, I was supposed to resume my workouts this week, but, due to throwing up, have postponed that for later and now have nothing to do. So I thought I'd tell you about a book I read recently.

The Emotional Life of the Toddler is a thoughtful and sensitive look at toddlers. It is not a prescriptive parenting guide, but rather an explanation. One that helped put me in the babeola's shoes. Seeing things from a different perspective is immensely helpful because it creates room for compassion and understanding to flourish instead of impatience and anger.

The important takeaways for me from this book were:

1. Toddlers are all about their bodies, what their bodies can do, what their bodies feel like, what their bodies produce (boogers and poop primarily as if you didn't know!) and learning to be separate from their parents. These are the two themes that drive almost everything they do and explains why I have to sing 'Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes' two billion times a day. I also thought it was interesting that the coy runaway games toddlers play are really about reassuring themselves that mommy or daddy will always come and get them.

2.Potty training is under the toddler's control, not the parent's. The parent provides the opportunity and guidance, the toddler decides whether or not to take the parent up on the offer. In fact, potty training (or learning) is all about control and mastery...for the toddler, not the parent.

3.Factoids and nuggets of information like:

--Mild to moderate conflicts between parents and toddlers take place every three minutes. Major conflicts occur at the rate of three per hour. Conflict for 2-3-year-olds is double that of 4-5-year-olds. No wonder I'm so frazzled some days! I spend all my time arguing with a non-verbal tyrant.

--Separation anxiety becomes most acute at 18 months. It increases just as the toddler experiences the urge to leave their mother's side and explore the world. The momentum away from the mother calls for a psychological counterweight of equal magnitude, hence separation anxiety. Mixed messages like this are common in the toddler years and signify developmental transitions.

The book gave me a lot of food for thought and has enabled me to empathize more strongly with the babeola. It has also prompted me to be sure and reassure her and not brush off her behavior as unimportant, but rather treat it as the vital communication it is. I've also beeng trying to figure out what it means when the babeola brings over all her stuffed animals for me to hugs and kiss. She really seems to get a kick out of it and I'm not sure why that is. Maybe she's just studying/fascinated by affection?

If you click on the link you will be able to read a large chunk for free. Interesting stuff.

LIPOSUCTION BY BLUE JEANS

2009-02-14T18:00:00.000-08:00

Ahem. Attention please. Hey you, in the back, shuddup. I have something important to say.

Today, for the first time since my pelvis split to pop out the adorable babeola, I wore a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans.

Sadly, even though the jeans do their best to slurp up the extra flab, I am still fat. But not as fat as I was.

Huzzah. Happy Valentine's Day to me.

I celebrated by eating three calzones (I make really kickass calzones) and cake. Tomorrow I bet the jeans won't fit anymore. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.

And here are pictures of the babeola doing her favorite things; reading, looking at herself in the mirror, and sitting on the dog.

I DID NOT HAVE OCTUPLETS

2009-02-13T13:39:00.000-08:00

First, the babeola has decided it's fun to lift my shirt and lick my back. That is a new one!

Our health insurance changed and we are now in the Kaiser Permanente system for the first time. I faced the change with trepidition and it turns out I was right to be concerned. My asthma medications, which are mainstream normal everday asthma medications, are not approved in the Kaiser system and I have to get special dispensation in order to have them, which means an appeals process. Ridicuolous.

For me, medication is the difference between holding a job and collecting disability. I am not the kind of asthmatic who could be an Olympic athelete. I didn't even think I would have kids as I was too ill to even exercise let alone care for a child and didn't want to pass on the disease. However, there have been so many advances in medical care for asthma that I am, finally, almost symptom free 90% of the time. It's quite disheartening to think I may have to backslide simply because Kaiser thinks my medications are too expensive. Seriously, that's the excuse.

Interestingly enough, I can get a 90 day supply of one of my meds from a reputable overseas pharmacy for $100. My ER visits alone usually cost around $2000 and these medications are pretty much the only thing standing between me and becoming an ER frequent flyer. So I think Kaiser's cost-benefit analysis is screwed up.

Even worse, when I shared with the Kaiser doctor--as part of my medical history-- that we did IVF for the babeola, she asked if I too had eight babies like the octuplet mom. What the hell? How is that an appropriate comment? I replied that no, we had been ethical in our treatment choices and worked with scrupulously ethical doctors who followed the standards of care as established by ASRM. Further, I am not mentally ill.

Then the doctor proceeded to say that I could have two or three at once and that would be fine. Ummmm. Okay. Crazy much, doctor?

It pains me when people make poor choices with fertility treatments. The Gosselins of Jon & Kate Plus 8 did not come by their sextupluts honestly. No one does. High order multiples are the product of poor monitoring and bad judgement on all sides. Every time. And it is always the bad apple that ruins it for everyone else.

Which is why a medical professional felt it appropriate to make the comments they did.

Sick.

Edited to add some caveats....

Believe it or not, unlike the octuplet mom, there can be times where transferring more than the recommended 2 embryos is apporpriate. However, these are situations that should be evaluated on a case by case basis and be subject to peer review (most reproductive docs discuss patient protocols with each other, the good ones do at least). The octuplet mom already had 6 children and should have never transferred more than 2 embryos. Her doctor basically committed malpractice in my opinion. Transferring a million embryos is reserved for the hard cases, for couples with no children and multiple failed cycles (I'm generalizing here for a lay audience, the details are more complex).

Also, you can't prevent all multiples but we can reliably prevent quintuplets and up. With a 2 embryo transfer, the worst case scenario should be quads and that's it. Also, age is a factor in the incidence of twins. So if an older mom does IVF and has twins, was it the IVF or her age? How can you tell? I'm not sure you can.

It would be nice if we could get to a point where high order multiples were a statistical anomaly instead of malpractice.

SOCIOPATH OVERSIGHT

2009-02-11T15:08:00.000-08:00

I am fairly certain I am not alone in my outrage over the peanut butter salmonella situation. In case you haven't followed the story, the management ordered the distribution of tainted product because it would cost too much to trash it and start over. In essence, they murdered several dozen people over profit concerns.

Unconscionable.

But I have seen this kind of management before. Many times.

Were you aware that 1 in 25 people are sociopaths? That, quite often, management is filled with so-called 'functional' sociopaths. Functional in the sense that instead of becoming serial killers, they settle for being your crappy powermongering boss or simply the sleaze that makes sure you do all the work?

When I break out this theory at parties. People shift their weight, look into their drinks, and there is an awkward silence. Sadly, silence is precisely what allows sociopaths to flourish. If you think I'm crazy too, spend some time reading the linked articles.

I've not only worked for sociopaths (sadly it is plural), I've hired them (and then fired them). Sociopaths are diabolical and without remorse or morals. And there are way too many of them jockeying for power in Corporate America.

So, watching the peanut butter murders unfold, it occurs to me that instead of regulating industry, perhaps we would do better to start by weeding out the sociopaths. Simple psychological testing would go a long way toward preventing food production from becoming a mass murder weapon.

ORIGAMI

2009-02-09T08:48:00.001-08:00

Bend your neck, head on my shoulder,
Let my breath bring you up and down
Frog your legs, up and under
Like before you knew the world
Tucked and creased, edges caressed
Fold me into motherhood

LAY ME OFF, PLEASE

2009-02-06T07:36:00.000-08:00

I want to speak to Human Resources tout suite. What is this bullshit that I don't get any sick days? I didn't sign up for this! Where do I file a complaint about my boss?

Welcome to the downside of motherhood. There are no days off. Ever.

Even on the few occasions that I am footloose and babeola-free, I am still consumed by her. I'm amazed to see parents of older kids who are so detached (in a good way) and wonder how I will ever cut the apron strings. I can't imagine letting go, no matter how good that freedom sounds.

So....anyway...my nose is red. My head is throbbing and it doesn't matter. There are meals to provide, entertainment that must be coordinated, and no rest until later tonight.

The only relief comes from a high level of organization and mastery of multi-tasking. Too bad I'm still a novice. However, I did have chicken soup in the freezer ready to go, a supply of Kleenex laid in, and Zicam in the medicine cabinet. I've sort of given up on decongestants, as doing without while I was pregnant and nursing didn't seem to be any different than doing with. Although I might go for some Mucinex if this thing hits my chest. Oh, and you better believe I am chugging the Nyquil at night. It makes me feel no pain so I don't care if it doesn't clear my sinuses.

What I need to do now is figure out a meal plan for the coming week that doesn't have me slaving in the kitchen all weekend. I am just starting to get the hang of meal planning. I am getting better about exploiting opportunities for efficiency, thinking ahead, using up ingredients, shopping primarily to stock the pantry, and finding stuff the babeola is willing to eat, but I still make rookie mistakes. Like believing the fantasy that two big meals cooked on a weekend will last all week. Or that the babeola will eat leftovers. Or that I will actually want to eat what I've cooked all. week. long.

Sometimes the world I create in my head works a lot better than the real one.

So here goes. The plan for this week.

1. Identify mystery meat from the freezer. I have a package of mushed up dead farm animal and I have no idea what it is. It's been defrosting for the last two days and I still can't tell what it is. Once I figure it out, I need to do something to make it edible. If it's pork I'll make an E. European goulash with sauerkraut and cream sauce. If it's chicken, slow cooker chicken and rice.

2. Make cranberry pork roast in the slow cooker. I found the recipe on Allrecipes. A pork roast, an envelope of onion soup with a can of jellied cranberry sauce in the slow cooker and voila! dinner is served. It's supposed to be divine. I figure if it's not, I can scrape off the cranberry and add barbecue sauce.

3. Unstuffed cabbage in the slow cooker or try the slow cooker shredded beef taco recipe my friend gave me. Or both if I need more food. Hmmm. How to decide which to make first? The unstuffed cabbage requires more work, so I should do that on the weekend when the husband can take over babeola duty. Then the beef mid-week if I find we're running out of food.

4. I want to make slow cooker oatmeal with walnuts and apples for the husband. Walnuts and oatmeal both help lower cholesterol which the husband needs.

5. In a pinch meal for husband: homemade calzones or frozen portabello mushroom pasta, which I bought for the babeola, but she hates it. The husband is a bit like a goat, he'll eat anything. That and he'll go grocery shopping when I'm sick (and even when I'm not becuase he is husbandly perfection).

Okay, so that's the plan. Now to make up the grocery list and give the husband his marching orders.If you need me, I'll either be in bed snuggling with the Kleenex or cooking in the kitchen (the Kleenex tucked under one arm, of course).

FIGHTING GROUCH

2009-02-04T07:41:00.000-08:00

I'm fighting a cold and my computer is full of viruses as well. Too bad Zicam doesn't work on hard drives. Can you believe I think the problem is actually my anti-virus protection? That I have to uninstall it and find something else? That I can't open a single one of my word documents and had to do a system restore just to be able to boot up? Crazy.

If I disappear...it's because either my head or computer exploded. Or imploded. Or some other equally catastrophic destruction occurred. Send chocolate.

Yesterday was the second music class. For a music class there is a heavy emphasis on silence and not making noise. They like to give the kids a chance to respond to the stimulation I guess. It's very experimental that way.

Anyway, it was a lot more fun this time around. The babeola was more comfortable and had a blast. They use real instruments along with fun props like scarves. If a little one says uh-oh they do a fun uh-oh song (with no words). There's a peak-a-boo song too.

They also had a parachute and we dragged the kids in a circle while singing nonsense syllables and then let them run underneath as we waved it up and down. There was lots of laughing and giggling--I was cracking up myself. One little boy let out the biggest 'wow' at the whole thing.

So thumbs up. It's weird. A little bizarre even, but the kids are really stimulated and intrigued. You can tell it's making them think. And the babeola had a first yesterday, she stacked blocks for the first time. Granted, we were supposed to be drumming on them, but yay! anyway.

Oh, and they do videotape the classes. I guess they like to use the tape to study the kids' reactions. I kind of wish they had warned us upfront about that as I'm not thrilled about my child ending up on some PBS documentary. Last I heard, the going rate for exploiting your kids was two million dollars and here I am paying them!

THERE IS NO BAD TIME FOR CUTE

2009-02-02T04:59:00.000-08:00

Except, perhaps, 6 am when the babeola declared, with a loud shriek, that it was time to Carpe Diem. Ouch.

I had no idea babies were so dangerous. The babeola has been killing me with cuteness lately.

WARNING! EXTREME GUSHING OVER OFFSPRING TO FOLLOW! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

First, she says and waves bye-bye now when I put her down for her nap or at night. I love the way she warbles when she talks. To. Die. For.

For Daddy's birthday, she gave him her first kiss yesterday. I always knew she was a Daddy's girl.

Of course, it's Momma that she blows kisses to, so I'm not exactly out in the cold.

She also brings all her stuffed animals and dolls to me for hugs and kisses. We like to smack Pooh Bear's dupa (butt) and do the dupa chant that I used to do during diaper changes when she was an itty bitty thing. Then we turn Pooh Bear around and rub his Buddha Belly and sing the (made up) Buddha Belly song. She loves this.We do it over and over and over, but that's okay because I love it too.

And, just to keep us on our toes, she's been climbing the furniture. We had our backs turned for one second yesterday and when we turned back around the babeola was walking on top of the bookcase. Yikes!

END GUSHING. IT IS SAFE TO RESUME READING AFTER THIS LINE!

Yesterday, I was trying to come up with some tag lines for toddler T-shirts. So far I have...

If I'm not screaming and crying, I'm not happy

Emo Baby

My emotions are bigger and badder than yours.

Tantrums: Priceless

I meltdown like Chernobyl

Ah yes, as you might guess, cuteness aside, the babeola is going through a tantrum phase. We're doing our best to help her through it, but its extremes tend to make us wince and wish we had earplugs. And a nanny.

OF BRAS AND HOBBITS AND SNOW DAYS (AGAIN!)

2009-01-28T08:49:00.001-08:00

Another foot and a half of snow today! I called off work today thereby marking another week in which I fail to make as much money as I should. Someone is always sick or canceling or fired from the program for canceling too much or it snows a tsunami of fluff to where I'm not even sure I can get out of the driveway, let alone across town.

However, despite the expense, the break is sorely needed. I am so wiped from being mommy, wife, and the finest tutor education has ever known. I'm only paid for 7 hours a week, but I end up working almost 20 as I spend a lot of time devising games and activities and figuring out lesson plans. Ahhh. Smell that? That's new tutor smell.

I plan to scrub it off today and enjoy some down time. (Of course the babeola just took the shorest nap ever. Sigh.)

Anyway, I have some cute babeola stories to share.

First, she is obessessed with my bras. Probably a primordial nursing association. She manges to filch them somehow and likes to sling them over her shoulders or put the strap over her head. Today she was 'styling' the bra around her shoulders while watching herself in the mirror and then she started teething on the underwire. At which point, I promply died from laughter.

I have pictures, but I'm not sure they belong on the internet. You don't want to see my bra, right?

Yesterday, we attended our first music class. It is not your typical music class. There are no words, not even a hokey pokey. It reminds me of those modern dance interludes in movies from the 60s. Incongruent razzle dazzle that captures your attention by being bizarre.

Exhibit to the first, I think the teacher, short and round with a wooden flute, might be a hobbit. Exhibit to the second, the babeola was underwhelmed. She actually retrieved her shoes, tried to put them on (and failed)and said 'bye bye' while toddling to the door as fast as her chubby legs could carry her. When that did not make the weirdos go away, she resigned herself to wandering the room, shoes clutched tight in her hands while the rest of us drummed and sang things like 'ba, boo, bi' in a round. Whenever the teacher attempted to interact with her, she would turn on her heel, refusing to make eye contact.

Despite her disdain, I think the class will be good for her. In a psychedelic kind of way. I mean, it's no Old McDonald. More Gregorian chant meets hobbit with flute. But it's probably good for her, like a vitamin.

At least I am amused. They do a greeting and farewell song that singles out each child by name (the only time words are used). The kids are utterly shocked that these strange people know their name. The surprise is stamped all over their faces in little slackjawed 'o's of doubletakes. We are totally messing with their minds.

I love it.

VARIETY SHOW

2009-01-21T08:13:00.000-08:00

In order of appearance:

1. The eye. Is fine. Some red scrapes, a few burst blood vessels all handled with good cheer by the babeola. As for the Y? Not even a follow up phone call from the head office. I may be calling them.

2.Bank Account. Closed. I have completed the descent into parenthood poverty. I am now officially poor and we are living from paycheck to paycheck. Eh. At least the pantry is stocked.

3.Tutoring. Going well, even though I am still poor re:#2. Some of the more difficult students were 'fired' as there are more students than tutoring funds so if kids don't show up or appreciate the tutoring, they give it to someone who will. Score.

4. School/Career Change. Dead in the water. No money and no time. I'm not sure what to do next. Perhaps set my sights on something to do for now? Medical coding? Billing? Unit secretary? And go from there? I don't know.

5. Scaring new parents. I don't mean to scare them, I'm just trying to pass on what I wished someone would've told me; That daycare germs are evil and they make you miss work when the baby is sick and then again when you are sick. That mastering 4-5 crock pot recipes now will keep you fed and will be all that you have time for. That you will be up longer, work harder, and do more than you ever have in your life the first year. That the first year is a dynamic blessing, it comes with joy and challenges and you just have to kind of get through it however you can.

6.Obama. I don't care what your politics are, yesterday was a historic moment for every American. I am so disappointed to see that there is still bitter partisanship everywhere I look and that so many people are working to undermine what is actually a moment of triumph. It is time to set aside partisanship (i.e. childish things) and be an American. It is time to get to work. We aren't Republicans or Democrats or Libertarians, we are American and each of us has the ability to make a difference. Local actions lead to national change. Our greatest hope is not Obama, it is us. I'm afraid of what will happen if we don't figure that out.

ETA: In case you missed it (as I failed to properly highlight it) my winter pic of the babeola made post of the day over at Worth a Thousand Words. It was this pic by the way:

AT THE YMCA

2009-01-19T09:16:00.000-08:00

I put myself through my senior year of college working for the before-care and after-care school program sponsored by the YMCA. I started as an aide and worked my way up to Director. Although, I have to say holding that job and having mono simultaneously was not a great idea. I recall catching six upper respiratory infections in a row despite using hand sanitizer and ushering everyone to the restroom to introduce them to soap and water. (I never missed a single day of work either, which is amazing as I remember being quite miserable!)

Anyway, I know what it is to try and supervise the chaos that is a gaggle of kids. One kid even managed to break his nose under my watch. Who knew a basketball could be a deadly weapon?

So I am full of empathy for the brave women who staff the child care at my local Y. These women allow me to walk away from my daughter and sweat out some of the stress of motherhood.

However, the limits of my empathy were tested today.

"What happened to her eye?" I asked the second I walked through the nursery door.

What?" was the response.

"What happened to her eye?" I repeated gesturing to the glaringly obvious injury to my daughter's eye.

"Her eye?"

My jaw clenched, I picked up my daughter to inspect the damage. A large, puffy you'd-have-to-be-blind-to-miss-it welt extended from her eyelid into her temple and a blue-gray pallor underneath promised to shine later.

"Oh, wow, her eye! Ummm, we don't know! I think she may have butted heads with one of the other kids."

Not only did they not see or know what happened, I had to prompt them to do an incident report. I mean, if it had been a simple bump on the head, no biggie, but this is an eye, a fragile area, and we have no way of judging how serious the injury is or isn't because no one saw what happened. So, yeah, you fill out a freaking incident report!

Fortunately, the babeola is in good spirits, but I'm not sure how long that will last, especially as the bruising comes to the fore. I gave her some Motrin, then called the doctor and talked with the nurse trying to sort out what to do. We have an appointment later today to assess the damage.

SUNDAY SNOW DAY

2009-01-18T08:31:00.000-08:00

We got another 5-6 inches of snow last night! Can you believe it? Crazy. The plow piles on our street are now taller than a car!

And, of course, today is the day I volunteered to cook a meal for a family bringing home their second baby. Luckily, I was able to wimp out on the driving and have the husband deliver the food. I have been cooking for the last four hours. Two batches of chicken paprikash with dumplings (one for us, one for the other family) and I threw a roast in the crockpot. If I manage my leftovers carefully I won't have to cook for most of the week (although there has been a request for homemade pizza and calzones that could send me back into the kitchen).

Yesterday the babeola had her first play date with my friend's kids. She loved it, although all she did was run around with a piece of foam board in her hand saying 'hi' and 'bye-bye'. When we got home, she radiated such satisfaction and contentment with the world that I hope we'll do a play date again soon.

And that's it. Nothing exciting, just lots of snow and happiness. If you'll excuse me, I have to go tend to the dumplings.

Cheers.

ETA: Damn. I burned the pizza! And the husband unplugged the crockpot while the roast was cooking which was a major inconvenience.

Oh, and I meant to say that I only sing Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes ten times. After that, you're on your own kid. I would die for the babeola, but after ten rousing renditions of HSKT I want to contrive a situation that involves me being crushed to death by a semi.

And, by the way, does Britney Spears know about HSKT? It's just begging to be a pop hit. There are millions of babies just waiting for someone cool (i.e. they don't have to bend creaky knees to touch hammertoes) to remix HSKT. I can hear it now; a chorus by a famous rapper, preferably one who has done jail time, and Brit-Brit in a skimpy outfit gyrating like a belly dancer in a blender while touching herself. If that wouldn't sell a billion records, I don't know what would!

INTERPERATIVE DANCE FOR MOMS (OR GAMES AND TOYS FOR A ONE YEAR OLD )

2009-01-15T08:22:00.000-08:00

Nothing much new. Still bummed that I was possibly hot and didn't know it. That's a lot of free stuff I missed out on.

Question. What comes first? The beauty or the mercenary need to swindle people out of things?

Anyway, I'm trying to cook while I type this. It will be a miracle if I don't burn anything.

The babeola is a billion different kinds of adorable. Since the New Year she's been bringing books to us and asking us to read. Although she's a fickle audience, if we bore her, she climbs off our laps and leaves. Which happens a lot so we must be really sucky readers.

Entertaining a one-year-old is hard work. It's a 'tween' stage, between baby and toddler. They can do so much, but know so little. The motor skills are only half developed so things that a eighteen-month-old can do are often beyond their reach. Worse, the baby toys are boring (or outgrown physically) and the toddler toys are too hard, and, at least in our case, are only good for starting tantrums born of frustration.

Oh, hey, look at that! I just bounced the laptop off the kitchen floor. And it still works! Yay! Probably should not try that again.

Anyway--yeah, I'm a little scattered today--it is not uncommon for message boards to feature calls for help when it comes to keeping 1yo babies busy. Even I have a hard time keeping us from climbing the walls with boredom, but here is what is working so far and what I plan to try.

1. Some kind of push toy. The babeola has a hard time finding the angle for pushing some of the toys, but, with momma's help, she loves to zoom across the carpet.

2.Beginner puzzles. The fine motor skills aren't there yet, but everyone has to start somewhere right? The babeola happily takes the puzzles apart and puts them together, a little less happily, with mommy's help. A variation on this is hanging toys on the drawer pulls to the dresser in our living room--and she'll often do this one by herself.

3.Something to ride on. The babeola has no idea how to push herself on her riding toys, but she loves to climb off and on and try. Because she hasn't figured out how to propel herself along, this toy is only good for about 30 seconds of fun. Not enough to fill your day with. I currently have the neighbor girls trying to show her how to ride it in the hopes she'll imitate them.

4. Knocking down towers. Actually, I encourage her to build them, but she has zero interest in construction, she is all about destruction. We use the cardboard blocks that are big and chunky, yet also lightweight.

5.Playing ball. At this age, babies can begin to learn the concept of rolling or throwing a soft ball. Except, they can't catch so this activity really ends up being more 'mommy bounces balls off baby and then chases the balls around while baby looks at mommy like 'WTF did you just bounce off my head?' This activity only lasts as long as mommy is willing to chase the balls around, which, for me, is not more than a couple minutes. We only do this every few days because it seems kind of pointless and a little sadistic to hit my kid with balls.

6.Taking things out of bigger things. The babeola loves to find a bag and empty it, so I try to stash sturdy gift bags around the living room with random assortments of toys inside. Sometimes this keeps her busy for a half hour, depending on how much she likes the toys inside. Other times, she's underwhelmed. I have yet to figure out the key to toy selection for this activity.

7.Go to the mall. Since they aren't usually very fast at this age, take them to the mall and set 'em loose. The babeola loves to run free at the mall, which, in retrospect, I see how this could be a problem later on, but it's worth it. The most important thing is to go off-hours when the mall is not busy.

8.Ripping magazines and catalogs. The only downside, the babeola is a paper eater so I have to really watch her with this, but paper ripping will keep her occupied for a half hour on a good day.

9. Some kind of climbing toy and slide. This is on order and I hope the babeola will enjoy it. She needs a more challenging gross motor activity than just walking. Also, she wants to climb, but our furniture is too tall, the climbing toys at the mall are difficult for her as well, so she needs a climbing activity that she can do as a bridge to skills like getting up on the couch.

10. Rhymes and songs with accompanying motions. Sometimes I feel like motherhood is one long interperative dance set to nursery rhymes, but the fact is, babies love this shit. At a minimum, all good mommies must learn the following songs/rhymes and the movements that go with them;

--Eensy Weensy Spider
--If You're Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands
--Pat-a-cake
--Three (or Five) Monkeys Jumping on the Bed
--Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes
--This Little Piggy
--A horse rhyme that lets baby bounce on your knee (sorry, I don't know any titles)

Really good mommies don't mind singing and acting out these songs over and over again.

I am not a good mommie.

Anything I missed? I wouldn't mind expanding my repertoire!

Please, someone save me!

IS THE MIRROR LYING TO ME?

2009-01-13T08:34:00.000-08:00

I watched Inner Beauty last night. That may not be the actual title of the show. Just in case, so we are clear, it's the show that tests 'hot' people on their inner beauty only they don't know that, they think they're in a real beauty contest. Meaning all sorts of public stupidity ensues. And it may or may not be called Inner Beauty.

Folks, I am a mommy. I have no brain. It dribbled out sometime after the six month of no sleep. So don't quote me!

The show was not that interesting. I favor reality media that allows me to learn something I didn't know. For example, I love it when judges on shows like So You Think You Can Dance and American Idol talk shop; about technique and high art. That is really interesting to me and I wish they would do more of that instead of the crappy singer/crazy dancer showcase. A bunch of narcissists running around proclaiming they are too hot to smell their own shit? Eh. Not so much. Pass.

Frankly, a few of them were not as hot as they thought they were. I get the feeling the production crew took malicious glee in finding bad camera angles for the cast because the one girl looked like she had cellulite on her face, which I don't think is possible...unless you have poor lighting and a mean camera crew. Which I think this show does have. They are probably overstaffed even.

Anyway, I have a point, I'm getting there, stay with me. The episode happened to showcase the contestants premeditating the use of their beauty to get things for free. I have never done that. Would never do that. Don't even consider myself beautiful or hot (particularly since the mommy bus hit me), but...

Guys have given me stuff for free. On more than one occasion.

So what the hell does that mean?

(And I am usually so bewildered I fail to do anything to stop them or don't even connect the flirty smile they give me with the fact my receipt is missing a few items until much later. If I'm pretty, I'm pretty slow.)

Has this ever happened to you? Maybe we are obliviously hot?

MAKING LEMONADE

2009-01-11T05:38:00.000-08:00

Hot Belly Mama gave me an award! And I get to pass on this award, so here are my picks the Lemonade Award...

Life with a Little One and More because she so warmly welcomed me to the blogosphere and her enthusiasm for blogging is infectious.

Restoring Mayberry is a thoughtful writer on ecological issues, plus he takes gorgeous photos of Ireland.

Potmekin was an exchange student in Russia during the collapse of Communism (or just after) and writes about her experiences with a literary patois that I find addictive. FYI you need to read this one in chronological order, like a book, so go back to the first post.

Anyway...

We are snowbound today, buried under more than a foot of snow. More than a foot! And I hear that next week, our highs will be something like 7, also known as 'freeze your nose off' temperatures. It's enough to make you think global warming is a Good Idea.

So I am busy entertaining the babeola with her birthing ball (aka yoga ball), an aerobic step, a laundry bin, and laundry. I am nothing if not creative. I should do a post about that sometime. Gross motor exercises for infants and toddlers with every day household objects. Sounds like I'm going to teach babies how to pick their noses and to go fishing in their diapers. Heh. I assure you, it's nothing like that!

Another easy and cheap activity? Throw your kid in a snow bank and see if they can work their way free. (Just kidding. We fished her out.)

CHEAP TOY AND FREE BOOK ALERT

2009-01-10T13:49:00.000-08:00

The Mozart Music cube seems to be on sale. I suspect they are liquidating stock before the new lead laws go into effect. Normally I see this for $40 on Amazon, it is now $19.99. I'm tempted to buy one as the one we have is a loaner. This toy has been huge hit in our house.

Also, Suze Orman and Oprah have a free financial e-book available here.The title is '2009 Action Plan'. Orman irritates me at times (does she even realize that she is one self-tanner application away from safety orange?), but I have to say that she has been the most honest financial pop pundit I have seen and has been ahead of the curve compared to the rest of the talking heads. I've just started reading the book so can't comment on the content, but check it out if you are so inclined.

Cheers.

STAY-AT-HOME-MOM TUTORS TORTURE AND SCANDAL

2009-01-08T11:54:00.001-08:00

I had to decouple the permaculture/transition town stuff from this blogger account since the permaculture stuff is meant to be public and this blog is meant to be more anonymous. Anonymous because, otherwise, I would not be able to tell you my sordid and tortuous tutoring tales (to follow). I'll give a link to the new permaculture blog once it is up and running. Not that anyone was reading it, but just in case you are suddenly inspired to save the earth along with me, you'll have it.

So, tutoring. Yeah, you would not think it would be a source of scandal or torture. But it is.

First, the tutoring I do is assigned by the school district. It's not a choice of the child or parents. Meaning they have zero, zilch, nada investment in tutoring. Also meaning, they are often no shows or lack interest in anything other than making sure I know how much they hate me and the tutoring I rode into town on.

Two hours alone with a cranky teenager. Oh, I am so living the part-time job dream.

Further, the tutoring demographic I am encountering runs true to stereotype. Broken homes. Welfare parents with big screen plasma televisions and better cars than what I drive. Tricked out state-of-the-art gaming systems, never mind junior and princess can't read the user manual.

Oh, and guns.

Now, I am not a shrinking violet and I've spent my share of time in inner city environments. In fact, I have been attacked, followed, avoided gangs, avoided drugs, directed addicts to the current location of their dealer,and watched the po-po fish murder weapons out of my backyard. It's not like this is news to me, but it's been a while, so I'm surprisable.

Last night I tutored one of my more likeable students (i.e. they show up and have a decent demeanor). Turns out the other day, a gang came through and shot their pet because they couldn't get to another member of the house. The pet is massive and survived, at least judging from the cacophonic snoring I heard while I was there (although no one took it to a vet, just fished the bullet out with a dinner fork, or so they told me).

I don't know. The whole thing took me aback. I haven't been ghetto fabulous in eons, I'm more like a dorky yuppie these days. A soft, easy target. Not what you want to be. Not what I thought I was going for either in signing up for this tutoring gig.

I've tutored before. Mostly for wealthy families with learning disabled kids. Talk about motivated. Those people value education, and their kids come to the table ready to learn. That's what I'm used to, hungry minds. Not this apathy punctuated by bullets.

The job pays well, but the working conditions could use a lot of improvement.

STARDOM WITHOUT A STAR

2009-01-07T08:25:00.000-08:00

There's a reason why adult 'preacher's kids' say they are 'recovering preacher's kids.' A reason that allows me to identify with Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan or even the Obama girls.

Why yes, moi, the dumpy stay-at-home-mom who no longer bothers with make up, actually shares life experience with Britney Spears and her ilk. Particularly the Obama girls who started a new school this week while the world watched. I've been there and done that albeit on a smaller scale.

Everyone knew who I was before I knew them.

All the teachers knew my father.

Everyone watched me, curious to know what I was like.

And then they gossiped about me.

The expectations assigned to me were very high.

No matter what I did, I was never good enough or bad enough.

I was on T.V. In the paper. Attended weddings and funerals of people I didn't even know.

My grades and my life were pulpit fodder.

Sometimes for a congregation close to a thousand people.

People went through my room and home without notice because it was church property and they wanted to change the carpeting. Or the drapes. Or paint. Or they were just being nosy.

My spotlight was smaller than that of Britney Spears or the Obama girls, but it burned nonetheless. The legacy of my childhood is that I'm an odd mix of introvert and extrovert. I can work a room like a seasoned politican...or hover at the fringe, jaw clamped shut in discomfort, terrified that people will look at me.

I remember once I botched a hymn solo and was so mortified I hid behind the swinging doors to the chapel instead of doing the post-worship receiving line. I also remember choreographing a church musical and receiving a standing ovation for my work.

And the time my father took a private family power struggle to the pulpit and I walked out, mid-sermon, in protest while people gaped in shock. To make it worse, I had been sitting in the very front row, so everyone saw me leave.

I am so glad I am not famous. That my childhood is not the babola's. To be sure, I had some unique life experiences, but now being normal is unique enough. So the paparazzi can stay in Hollywood, I'll take dumpy mother without makeup any day.

I'LL SEE YOU ON THE POTTY

2009-01-06T06:30:00.000-08:00

So basically, the babeola is the size of a small three year old. Or a very large two year old*. She's in size 6 Pampers (even though her weight makes her technically a size 5, something about her proportions demands a bigger size). However, we've recently noticed she has red, irritated marks in her thigh creases from the size 6. Meaning, it's time for *gulp* size 7.

In case you are not raising a giantess, size 7 is 1)hard to find and 2) not sold in bulk at Sam's Club thereby making diapers more expensive than ever before.

After size 7, I think we have to venture into Depends territory. Which, yikes! Even more expensive, not to mention weird.

I did look at cloth diapers and ordered some samples, but guess what? They are not made for giantesses. The samples have ended up on her stuffed animals, because we certainly aren't going to get any use out of them.

Given that the babeola's growing out of her diapers and that we can usually tell when she's making a deposit, I picked up some potty training/learning books. Not that I'm looking forward to potty learning. I'd much prefer student services at her college handle the whole thing, because potty learning is a huge pita. Huge.

But as it turns out, potty learning doesn't fit either. She's not ready for anything but what the experts call 'pre-potty learning.'

Meaning we need to teach her in/out, on/off, sit, go, come and a whole host of other concepts if we want to start potty learning by 18 months (which is the current goal). Sit and go she knows how to say and what they mean. I think come is in her receptive vocabulary. On/off and in/out are now priority one.

That and constantly discussing my business, as observing mommy on the potty is considered an important component of potty readiness. It appears that we need to cultivate a certain amount of fetishistic voyeurism for successful potty learning.

Conversations in our home now include such phrases as:

"Is mommy going potty? Yes, she is!"

"Where is mommy. Is she...is she on the potty?"

All said in a squeaky, Elmo-on-speed voice. You know, just in case me pulling down my pants wasn't enough to capture the babeola's attention.

*She never looks all that big or tall to me. Until we run into a two year old that only comes up to her shoulder. Even so, we don't get too many people thinking she's older than she is. She still has a round baby face and an obvious toddle. Or maybe she just looks shorter than she is. Maybe that's it. People often say I look shorter than I am and I'm 5'10".