IS THE MIRROR LYING TO ME?

I watched Inner Beauty last night. That may not be the actual title of the show. Just in case, so we are clear, it's the show that tests 'hot' people on their inner beauty only they don't know that, they think they're in a real beauty contest. Meaning all sorts of public stupidity ensues. And it may or may not be called Inner Beauty.

Folks, I am a mommy. I have no brain. It dribbled out sometime after the six month of no sleep. So don't quote me!

The show was not that interesting. I favor reality media that allows me to learn something I didn't know. For example, I love it when judges on shows like So You Think You Can Dance and American Idol talk shop; about technique and high art. That is really interesting to me and I wish they would do more of that instead of the crappy singer/crazy dancer showcase. A bunch of narcissists running around proclaiming they are too hot to smell their own shit? Eh. Not so much. Pass.

Frankly, a few of them were not as hot as they thought they were. I get the feeling the production crew took malicious glee in finding bad camera angles for the cast because the one girl looked like she had cellulite on her face, which I don't think is possible...unless you have poor lighting and a mean camera crew. Which I think this show does have. They are probably overstaffed even.

Anyway, I have a point, I'm getting there, stay with me. The episode happened to showcase the contestants premeditating the use of their beauty to get things for free.  I have never done that. Would never do that. Don't even consider myself beautiful or hot (particularly since the mommy bus hit me), but...

Guys have given me stuff for free. On more than one occasion.

So what the hell does that mean?

(And I am usually so bewildered I fail to do anything to stop them or don't even connect the flirty smile they give me with the fact my receipt is missing a few items until much later. If I'm pretty, I'm pretty slow.)

Has this ever happened to you? Maybe we are obliviously hot?

MAKING LEMONADE

 Hot Belly Mama gave me an award! And I get to pass on this award, so here are my picks the Lemonade Award...

Life with a Little One and More  because she so warmly welcomed me to the blogosphere and her enthusiasm for blogging is infectious.

Restoring Mayberry is a thoughtful writer on ecological issues, plus he takes gorgeous photos of Ireland.

Potmekin was an exchange student in Russia during the collapse of Communism (or just after) and writes about her experiences with a literary patois that I find addictive. FYI you need to read this one in chronological order, like a book, so go back to the first post.

Anyway...


We are snowbound today, buried under more than a foot of snow. More than a foot!  And I hear that next week, our highs will be something like 7, also known as 'freeze your nose off' temperatures. It's enough to make you think global warming is a Good Idea.

So I am busy entertaining the babeola with her birthing ball (aka yoga ball), an aerobic step, a laundry bin, and laundry. I am nothing if not creative.  I should do a post about that sometime. Gross motor exercises for infants and toddlers with every day household objects. Sounds like I'm going to teach babies how to pick their noses and to go fishing in their diapers.  Heh. I assure you, it's nothing like that!

Another easy and cheap activity? Throw your kid in a snow bank and see if they can work their way free. (Just kidding. We fished her out.)

CHEAP TOY AND FREE BOOK ALERT

The Mozart Music cube seems to be on sale. I suspect they are liquidating stock before the new lead laws go into effect. Normally I see this for $40 on Amazon, it is now $19.99. I'm tempted to buy one as the one we have is a loaner. This toy has been huge hit in our house.

Also, Suze Orman and Oprah have a free financial e-book available here.The title is '2009 Action Plan'. Orman irritates me at times (does she even realize that she is one self-tanner application away from safety orange?), but I have to say that she has been the most honest financial pop pundit I have seen and has been ahead of the curve compared to the rest of the talking heads. I've just started reading the book so can't comment on the content, but check it out if you are so inclined.

Cheers.

STAY-AT-HOME-MOM TUTORS TORTURE AND SCANDAL

I had to decouple the permaculture/transition town stuff from this blogger account since the permaculture stuff is meant to be public and this blog is meant to be more anonymous. Anonymous because, otherwise, I would not be able to tell you my sordid and tortuous tutoring tales (to follow). I'll give a link to the new permaculture blog once it is up and running. Not that anyone was reading it, but just in case you are suddenly inspired to save the earth along with me, you'll have it.

So, tutoring. Yeah, you would not think it would be a source of scandal or torture. But it is.

First, the tutoring I do is assigned by the school district. It's not a choice of the child or parents. Meaning they have zero, zilch, nada investment in tutoring. Also meaning, they are often no shows or lack interest in anything other than making sure I know how much they hate me and the tutoring I rode into town on.

Two hours alone with a cranky teenager. Oh, I am so living the part-time job dream.

Further, the tutoring demographic I am encountering runs true to stereotype. Broken homes. Welfare parents with big screen plasma televisions and better cars than what I drive. Tricked out state-of-the-art gaming systems, never mind junior and princess can't read the user manual.

Oh, and guns.

Now, I am not a shrinking violet and I've spent my share of time in inner city environments. In fact, I have been attacked, followed, avoided gangs, avoided drugs, directed addicts to the current location of their dealer,and watched the po-po fish murder weapons out of my backyard. It's not like this is news to me, but it's been a while, so I'm surprisable.

Last night I tutored one of my more likeable students (i.e. they show up and have a decent demeanor). Turns out the other day, a gang came through and shot their pet because they couldn't get to another member of the house. The pet is massive and survived, at least judging from the cacophonic snoring I heard while I was there (although no one took it to a vet, just fished the bullet out with a dinner fork, or so they told me).

I don't know. The whole thing took me aback. I haven't been ghetto fabulous in eons, I'm more like a dorky yuppie these days. A soft, easy target. Not what you want to be. Not what I thought I was going for either in signing up for this tutoring gig.

I've tutored before. Mostly for wealthy families with learning disabled kids. Talk about motivated. Those people value education, and their kids come to the table ready to learn. That's what I'm used to, hungry minds. Not this apathy punctuated by bullets.

The job pays well, but the working conditions could use a lot of improvement.

STARDOM WITHOUT A STAR

There's a reason why adult 'preacher's kids' say they are 'recovering preacher's kids.' A reason that allows me to identify with Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan or even the Obama girls.

Why yes, moi, the dumpy stay-at-home-mom who no longer bothers with make up, actually shares life experience with Britney Spears and her ilk. Particularly the Obama girls who started a new school this week while the world watched. I've been there and done that albeit on a smaller scale.

Everyone knew who I was before I knew them.

All the teachers knew my father.

Everyone watched me, curious to know what I was like.

And then they gossiped about me.

The expectations assigned to me were very high.

No matter what I did, I was never good enough or bad enough.

I was on T.V. In the paper. Attended weddings and funerals of people I didn't even know.

My grades and my life were pulpit fodder.

Sometimes for a congregation close to a thousand people.

People went through my room and home without notice because it was church property and they wanted to change the carpeting. Or the drapes. Or paint. Or they were just being nosy.

My spotlight was smaller than that of Britney Spears or the Obama girls, but it burned nonetheless. The legacy of my childhood is that I'm an odd mix of introvert and extrovert. I can work a room like a seasoned politican...or hover at the fringe, jaw clamped shut in discomfort, terrified that people will look at me.

I remember once I botched a hymn solo and was so mortified I hid behind the swinging doors to the chapel instead of doing the post-worship receiving line. I also remember choreographing a church musical and receiving a standing ovation for my work.

And the time my father took a private family power struggle to the pulpit and I walked out, mid-sermon, in protest while people gaped in shock. To make it worse, I had been sitting in the very front row, so everyone saw me leave.

I am so glad I am not famous. That my childhood is not the babola's. To be sure, I had some unique life experiences, but now being normal is unique enough. So the paparazzi can stay in Hollywood, I'll take dumpy mother without makeup any day.

I'LL SEE YOU ON THE POTTY

So basically, the babeola is the size of a small three year old. Or a very large two year old*. She's in size 6 Pampers (even though her weight makes her technically a size 5, something about her proportions demands a bigger size). However, we've recently noticed she has red, irritated marks in her thigh creases from the size 6. Meaning, it's time for *gulp* size 7.

In case you are not raising a giantess, size 7 is 1)hard to find and 2) not sold in bulk at Sam's Club thereby making diapers more expensive than ever before.

After size 7, I think we have to venture into Depends territory. Which, yikes! Even more expensive, not to mention weird.

I did look at cloth diapers and ordered some samples, but guess what? They are not made for giantesses. The samples have ended up on her stuffed animals, because we certainly aren't going to get any use out of them.

Given that the babeola's growing out of her diapers and that we can usually tell when she's making a deposit, I picked up some potty training/learning books. Not that I'm looking forward to potty learning. I'd much prefer student services at her college handle the whole thing, because potty learning is a huge pita. Huge.

But as it turns out, potty learning doesn't fit either. She's not ready for anything but what the experts call 'pre-potty learning.'

Meaning we need to teach her in/out, on/off, sit, go, come and a whole host of other concepts if we want to start potty learning by 18 months (which is the current goal). Sit and go she knows how to say and what they mean. I think come is in her receptive vocabulary.  On/off and in/out are now priority one.

That and constantly discussing my business, as observing mommy on the potty is considered an important component of potty readiness. It appears that we need to cultivate a certain amount of fetishistic voyeurism for successful potty learning.

Conversations in our home now include such phrases as:

"Is mommy going potty? Yes, she is!"

"Where is mommy. Is she...is she on the potty?"

All said in a squeaky, Elmo-on-speed voice. You know, just in case me pulling down my pants wasn't enough to capture the babeola's attention.

*She never looks all that big or tall to me. Until we run into a two year old that only comes up to her shoulder. Even so, we don't get too many people thinking she's older than she is. She still has a round baby face and an obvious toddle.  Or maybe she just looks shorter than she is. Maybe that's it. People often say I look shorter than I am and I'm 5'10".

20 FAVORITE TOYS FOR THE FIRST YEAR

Here are the things the babeola played with the most during her first year and that we got a lot of use out of. Feel free to add your favorites to the list via a comment.

Compiling this list, one thing I noticed is that prices have gone up exponentially making it a good idea to buy used whenever you can (or milk the baby shower for all its worth!). I think that this legislation is what is driving prices up. I'm all for safety, but some of the toys listed below I was able to buy for a 1/3 of the current listed price!

1. Tissue paper of all colors and designs. Cheap and crinkly fun. Just put in a pacifier to prevent baby from eating it. (Save the tissue paper from any baby shower gifts!)

2.  Flower butterfly teether from Haba. It's washable and made of natural, non plastic components. There's also crinkly paper in the butterfly so the baby gets a sound effect when they chew. The fact that the butterfly detaches and can be washed is a big plus.

3. Haba Frog.  Just a fun little guy. The babeola liked to suck on the arms.

4. Haba kaleidoscope discovery blocks. Fun to look through and fun to watch mommy stack for baby to knock down.

5. The stellina by Selecta. A wooden chew toy/rattle. (Unfortunately due to this legislation, Selecta is pulling out of the US market.)

6. A bouncy seat. We have an older version of the Fisher Price Ocean Wonders Aquarium Bouncer that we really like. We also have a jungle/waterfall themed one that was fine as well. But the Ocean Wonders bouncy seat was our favorite.

7.Tiny Love Developlay Activity Center.This toy has two sides, one for infants and another side for older babies/toddlers. Allows for all sorts of hand-eye skills to develop and kept the babeola quite busy.

8.Munchkin Mozart Magic Music Cube.
This is a neat music toy that allows babies and toddlers to pick different instruments to play and exposes them to classical music. For us, this toy will get play for at least 1.5 to maybe 2 years so it's a good investment. Initially the babeola just watched the lights and music play when mommy pressed the buttons, now she actively plays with it, chews on the rubber corners and carries it from room to room.

 9. Baby Einstein Crawl Tunnel.  Man I wish we'd had this! I found it at Sam's Club well after the babeola started walking and was so annoyed because this would've been good for hours of fun. This would last from 3 months up to and possibly beyond walking (because hiding and crawling in tunnels is always fun). It is expensive so a cheaper option would be either cardboard boxes taped together or buy a simpler crawl tunnel like this.

10. Playmat of some kind. We don't have a favorite so no specific recommendation from me, but they are useful. I bet you could use the BE Crawl Tunnel above as a playmat.

11.Wee Sing Children's Songs and Finger Plays CD.  This is a great investment. It's hard to fill time with little babies and this CD will keep you busy. Also, you need to learn these songs too, so it's one of the few things that are not just for the baby. It comes with a book containing the words and sheet music and finger plays to all the songs. You will use this for years!

12. Play silks are fun and pretty and a 'formless' toy that allows babies and toddlers to use their imagination. You can buy plain ones and dye your own or buy from the mom-based business I linked to here.

13. A mobile. I can't find the one we had, which was a cheapy thing but had great graphics. Look for bold patterns, ideally in black and white as that's perfect for a newborn. I also bought a mobile attachment clip that allowed me to take the mobile from crib to bassinet to co-sleeper.

14. Unbreakable mirror. Babies love love LOVE to look at themselves. Even now the babeola loves to use this mirror. It can be used as a free standing mirror but also has ties for hanging it in a crib or, like we do, attaching it to our baby gate.

15. A swing. Any swing is fine, but I highly recommend you buy one with a high weight limit (30lbs or more) so you maximize its usefulness.

16. Books! I am a bibliophile and have been thrilled to share my love of books with the babeola. She's been turning pages on her own since 4 months and 'reading' to herself since 8 months. A few of our favorites...


Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
Peek-a-who? by Nina Laden
Tails by Matthew Van Fleet
Dog by Matthew Van Fleet
Crinkle Books
Cloth Books
Bath Books
Moo, Baa, La, La, La by Sandra Boynton
But Not The Hippopotamus by Sandra Boynton
Barnyard Dance by Sandra Boynton
Belly Button Book by Sandra Boynton
Eric Carle's books
Dr. Seuss
Shel Silverstein's poetry (i.e A Light In the Attic)
Baby Faces
Tactile Books like Violet's House
Graphic books like Look Look by Peter Linenthal

 17. Some people get drums, we like tambourines. Lots of noisy fun!

18. A xylophone is a great toy too!

19. Blowing bubbles is an easy and inexpensive infant-parent activity. The rumor on the street is that Gymboree makes the best bubbles, but we've been using the off brand el-cheapo ones with no problem.

20. Walker to nowhere. The babeola started using this 'walker' as soon as she could sit and she still plays with the manipulatives today. The manipulative toys are well conceived and entertaining. This is one of the better 'baby holder' toys we have and it allows babies to practice standing and walking not just forward, but backward and sideways (the seat swivels). Crawling and pre-walking babies will use this toy to pull up and 'push' the chair around. The babeola often ran in fast circles squealing with glee.

To give you an idea of how prices have changed, this retailed for $89 last year. I've since seen it go as high as $265 and $199. Insane!