Thyroid Wishes and Past Due Hellos

Hey. Hi. How you doin'? (said with the inflection of Joey from Friends, a reference which I realize pretty much dates me as middle aged).

I do miss blogging even though I'm never here. I am just busy. Trying to make a buck. Potty learning the toddler. Finding out my thyroid is maybe not working (final word pending, for now it's just a suspicion). Neither is my gallbladder incidentally, although there are no gall stones, just another dysfunctional organ. One of many sadly.

I joked with the ultrasound tech that my body's goal was to have something wrong with every major system.  One of these days, I told her, an arm and a leg are going to fall off just to complete the 'stupid dysfunctional' body model I apparently signed up for and for which I can't find the 'out' clause. I am rapidly approaching the point where I could write a top ten list of medical diagnoses that have been assigned to me. I won't bore you by listing them out here, but it is kind of startling, to me at least, when I start to think about it too much.

Is it wrong for me to kind of want my thyroid to have taken a big dump? Because that would mean thyroid medication, a magical potion that I hear restores energy and sometimes enables weight loss.

Also, I am planning to...hmmm, forgot what I was going to say. That's unfortunate, but common. My brain is kind of in and out anymore. I thought this was just life after kids alzheimers, but apparently the thyroid can fog you up mentally too.

So, moving on, I was referred to a weight loss clinic. You can't see me, but I am rolling my eyes like a top.Only in my head. Here's an example of one of their questions and my answer. If you are fat, you'll spot the stupidity. If you haven't been obese, first, lucky you, second, the bias against fat people is always one of 'if they just tried hard/knew enough/exercised enough/did what others told them they would lose weight.' Obesity is all too often code for 'blame the victim and then discriminate them against them at every opportunity.'

"WHY DO YOU THINK YOUR WEIGHT LOSS EFFORTS WERE NOT SUCCESSFUL? Mostly due to undiagnosed PCOS and I think a rather limited understanding of how devastating the Cushings was to my health. For 10 years I told my PCP I could not lose weight doing what I had successfully done before. I was told to go to TOPS or Overeaters Anonymous when overeating was not my problem. It wasn’t until we started trying to conceive that I began to get some answers that were not (ignorantly and prejudicially) predicated on my presumed inability to control what I ate."

In my observation, mainstream medical thought is not looking for a you-bozos-didn't-diagnose-me-properly in response to this question. In my experience they are looking more for statements like 'I didn't know eating 3 pints of Ben & Jerry ice cream daily along with breakfast at Burger King, lunch at Taco Bell and dinner at the candy store could make me fat. Also, I thought sitting on the cough was good for me.'

Anyway, I am unimpressed. I doubt they're going to like me much either. If I'm lucky they'll have some ideas of what else I can do to lose weight aside from strict ultra low carb. Very low carb was sustainable before kids, but with a toddler, it's beyond my means. I still don't control when I eat, when I cook, if I exercise, when I pee and when I sleep. Somehow, despite that, I'm supposed to perfectly follow a restrictive diet? I wish I could and I constantly try, but am always failing due to circumstances surrounding being a full time caregiver who also works.

On the asthma front, I was gratified when my divine pulmonologist showed me the pulmonary function tests where my FEV1 (I think it's called--I ain't googling it now to check) showed a 30% drop. A 20% drop is indicative of asthma. Also the PCP was shocked when I explained the reason I hadn't pursued my high blood pressure was because I spent all of last year fighting with the Krazy that is Kaiser Permanente about whether or not I had asthma and whether or not I could please have some damn medication.  "Are you kidding me?" were her exact words. I felt vindicated. I truly am not the Krazy, Kaiser is.  So there. Nyah-nyah you psychopaths at Kaiser.


Also my pulmonologist knows the nutjob allergist and when I described her as passive-aggressive, my pulmonologist nodded and said "We experienced her that way too. Last I heard she wasn't at Kaiser." 


To sum it all up, all I have to say is, don't be sick with anything beyond strep. Ever. Or else you too will be gnashing your teeth at the medical Krazy.


As for la babeola. She's cute and obstinate. I recently characterized this phase as 'I'm a hostage negotiater and a hostage at the same time.'  Mostly I try to get her to do things, like wear clothes and she resists with a grim tenacity I find incredibly frustrating. She's doing so well with the potty though. We tried to be very gentle about it since we were pushing the issue and she's doing it. I am impressed with the aplomb with which she's handling the potty.I'm a bit jealous of her bladder of steel. The girl holds it back like the Hoover Dam. Me? I even think of sneezing and I spring a leak. Thems the joys of the post-partum body, folks.


And that's it. Not sure when I'll post again. Maybe once I'm high on thyroid medication and have more energy????