Wednesday, December 3, 2008


I really want to post pictures of the double rainbow, but, alas, they live on another computer and I'm ready to write a post on this one. So sit tight. Someday I will post rainbows.  Maybe some unicorns too. Oh, and leprechauns.

The big news is I have a job interview on Friday. Initially, it was a part-time gig, but I guess they liked my resume enough to consider a full-time position with an upgraded job description. I don't know. I kind of want to work part-time, but who knows if I would make enough to cover child care.

And I have the tutoring gig going, which I really sold myself to them, saying I wanted to do this long term for income.  In return, they've booked me solid with students (although one is currently missing, off trying to get pregnant according to her mother).So I would be backing out on them because I can't work nights and days.

At the same time, the money is decent. If the runaway shows up, I will make roughly $650 a month for 32 hours of work, which is not bad, but not enough to do much more than cover my bills and diapers. Plus taxes as I'm an independent contractor, so that makes my income more like $400 a month.

However, I feel, in this economy, that I should maximize my income if I can. I suspect I'll be unemployed sooner as opposed to later. Extra money now is good. Assuming the salary does more than cover child care.

Child care is always the sticking point isn't it?

The other problem is that I actually want to be a WOHM and a SAHM at the same time. (WOHM=work outside the home mom SAHM=stay at home mom.)  By definition these two acronyms are mutually exclusive. I can be either or, but not both. I don't understand why I'm conflicted. I have experienced the pros and cons of both working and staying at home.

I like working. I don't enjoy the balance of life issues or the daycare germs, but I enjoy feeling productive. Plus, I like structure, it makes me efficient.

At home, I feel aimless and adrift. The days kind of blur together. The housework never seems to get done and I have no money, but I have lots of time with the babeola. Sometimes too much time!

Then there's the babeola. What does she need? We have the same problem. She needs her momma and other children, but not too much of either one.

Why is this balance so delicate, so hard to find? Why am I not getting it right?


Jenners said...

It is impossible to get it right...that is what no one tells you! I'm riding the Stay At Home Mom train for as long as I can ... but I know my time is going to be up soon when my son goes to real school...then I'll look for my good-paying, flexible, part-time job that gives me the summer off, time off when my son is sick and is also challenging and stimulating. I survive being a stay-at-home mom because 1) my son is now going to school 4 mornings a week 2) he is much more interactive and fun to play with -- it was WAY harder when he was smaller and 3) now I have blogging to help me feel like a "real" person with a real brain.

Good luck finding the balance. It isn't easy to do!

Lyndsay said...

I don't think you can get it right. If you are at home, you question working out of the home. If you work, you question staying at home. I always *thought* I had to be a WOHM. I thought I could *never* be a SAHM. Sure, it was hard to go back to work, but I handled it. I have to say though, as Kate gets older (and so much more FUN), I want to be home even more. Infants are dependent and you feel the NEED to be home, but with TODDLERS you want to be home.

If I have the opportunity, I would be a SAHM. Fill that void with parttime work, volunteering, or some out of the home activities.

Don't work fulltime.

Can you tell I have issues with this? LOL! I mean, do what's right for you :)

Hot Belly Mama - taking it all back said...

oh crap, after reading your post I've decided we all need to go back to a society where all families lived together in one big house (or one big property) so that kids were always with family (both kids and adults). sigh...

I've decided to stay home full time, but I am also going back to school full-time (online).